DEAR ABBY: For the last eight years I have been the mother of a star in our local high school. When one of my boys would graduate, the next would take over and be even more athletic or musically talented — and in my youngest son’s case, both.

Now that they are gone I can’t stand hearing other parents talk about their children’s accomplishments. I also can’t stop myself from making some comment about how my sons were better. I know it’s wrong, but I still do it.

Sporting events make me sad and my husband depressed. Is this empty nest? We can’t seem to figure out how to move on. Have you any suggestions? More children are out of the question.

SPOTLIGHTS DIMMED IN OHIO

DEAR S.D.: When people peer too long into a spotlight — whether directly or the reflected glare of someone nearby — it diminishes their vision for a period of time after the light is extinguished. What you may fail to see is that all parents are proud of their kids, and if you continue to compare other people’s children unfavorably with your own, you will soon be as welcome as a polecat at a garden party.

This is why I urge you and your husband to take a little time, refocus your attention to children less fortunate than your own, and invest some of your energy in other youths who need the encouragement and support you can give. If you do, you will be rewarded many times over.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband — who had an affair — and I have been divorced for three years, but have been forced into a roommate situation due to health issues on my part and financial issues on his. We have two kids together that I have needed his help with. However, there is a potential “new guy” in my life who is uncomfortable that my ex still lives here.

My friends tell me I’m too nice to have let him stay here for so long. I feel it’s the charitable thing to do because he has nowhere to go. I’m also afraid my kids will think I’m being hateful if I kick their father out. Oh my God, Abby, what do I do?

IN TRANSITION IN TENNESSEE

DEAR IN TRANSITION: If you want to stay “stuck” in your predicament, allow your former husband to continue living there. If you would like to go on with your life, then recognize that very few men would want to date a woman who has another man living with her.

By allowing your ex to stay with you, you have allowed your children to think your marriage could be repaired. If that is not the case — and search your heart before answering that question — then set a time limit for him to leave.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to a restaurant last night. We were enjoying our meal when a couple came in and sat at a table close to ours. Soon, a bad body odor wafted over to where we were sitting. It was so strong I couldn’t finish my dinner.

When we got up to pay our bill, we told the manager about it and asked what could be done. He said that was a tough question and he didn’t know the answer. I told him I was going to write to Dear Abby and ask. He said if I got an answer to be sure to let him know. What would you suggest?

CHOKING IN IOWA

DEAR CHOKING: It was not the responsibility of the restaurant staff to “do” anything about your problem. The thing to do was change to a table in another section. If you were questioned about it — which I doubt you would be — the polite response would be that you preferred a table in a different location.

DEAR ABBY: May I comment on the letter from “Itching to Get Even in Cincinnati” (Oct. 1), the woman who was upset that the handmade wreaths she had placed on her family graves had been stolen?

I volunteer at a historical cemetery. Many cemeteries have rules about the type and size of grave decorations that are allowed on the grounds, which is sometimes none at all. In fact, if decorations ARE allowed, unless they can be firmly attached to the ground, real flowers are usually preferred because they biodegrade and do not create a nightmare for groundskeepers when the plastic eventually weakens.

While it’s touching that “Itching” and her sister continue to make thoughtful and beautiful arrangements for their deceased loved ones, they should consider speaking with the cemetery office or groundskeeper about any regulations they might have in order to avoid this kind of upset again.

MAUREEN IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR MAUREEN: For the most part, readers agree that the policies of a cemetery should be checked out before placing wreaths or flowers on graves. However, other readers offered some interesting solutions to the problem:

DEAR ABBY: When Dad died, my mom and I returned to his grave the next day. All the flowers were missing, but the plastic they were attached to was still there. When we inquired about it we were told that deer come down at night and eat the flowers. My dad, a nature lover, would have been pleased that they provided a meal for the deer.

STILL MISSING HIM

DEAR ABBY: The dead are no longer of this world. When people visit their graves, they should leave good thoughts, not material items that end up as trash or stolen.

PAMELA IN VICTORVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: After my mother died, I bought a concrete garden angel statue and put it by her headstone. Like “Itching,” I too was bitter after it was stolen.

When I told my husband, he told me, “Honey, your mother WAS an angel. She didn’t need one. Someone else must have needed one.” After he said it, it put the incident into a different perspective.

ANGEL’S DAUGHTER IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: My sister made a Christmas tree for our mother’s grave and decorated it with functional lights. When I asked her why she went to the extra expense, she replied that she knew it would likely be stolen. She said she wanted the thief to have a tree with working lights, so the person would have a brighter Christmas.

GERRY IN HUNSTVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR READERS: To my Christian readers, Merry Christmas.