I’m glad it’s come out that teachers are performing gender-altering surgeries at school. So much curriculum dumped on us, the scheduling, a logistical nightmare. We have team time – what many call “homeroom” – to work it in, 10 minutes a day. We’re expected to do three or four surgeries between American studies and AP physics and in our haste, we sometimes botch. The other day a girl came in as a girl and left as a girl. Embarrassing!

Managing bathroom breaks was hard before; sedating everyone means forget it now. And, I don’t know if it’s particular to the math wing but, I think they’re skimping on the lidocaine – I mean, the screams. It’s God awful. But, math teachers? They’re likely accustomed to students’ screams.

The English wing always gets it right. Do they have a black market of propofol or fentanyl? They’d need only bat their lush lashes at a less than professional OR doctor parent; they’d be set. English teachers, a cut above. I suspect their student patients are force fed audiobooks  – “The Great Gatsby,” “Great Expectations” – they’re knocked out cold before they count back to nine.

And, lower grade teachers would appreciate eating lunch instead of a couple of sex changes between circle time and recess.

It’s high time this came to light. We teachers know society plops all its failed needs on us, but this school-day surgery? This is a cut below the belt.

Lisa Stathoplos
Searsport