DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother has a very malicious ex-wife. She is currently manipulating their children (my nieces and goddaughters) into not coming to celebrate a wedding on our side of the family. She claims that her daughters say they don’t want to come. The manipulation of children so young saddens me, but I think my brother should let it go. He is adamant that the girls should be in attendance so they can see pictures later. They are young, between 8 and 11. – Too Many Sides, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR TOO MANY SIDES: You should stay out of it. Though well intentioned, you really have no say in what happens between your brother and his ex-wife, and adding your opinion may only confuse things. Just be a sounding board for him if he chooses to talk to you about it.

That said, I would tell your brother that he has to figure out how to neutralize the relationship between the two of them. This is essential for the health of the children. Now, it could be that a family wedding stirs up lots of emotions for his ex, which could lead to her not wanting the children there. Whatever the reason, your brother must figure out how he and his ex can come to an agreement on how they will parent their children, what they will agree to keep between the adults and how they will handle conflict.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: My father grunts like a child when he’s frustrated. This drives me insane. The habit suddenly formed when I moved away from home, so I didn’t see any gradual changes over the years. He now grunts, moans and growls if he is irked. Phone updates, slow waitresses and long lines have been some of the culprits of this audible anger. It’s embarrassing to hear at home, and mortifying to be associated with in public. How can I get him to quit? – You’re Grown Up, Boston

DEAR YOU’RE GROWN UP: You may not be able to get your father to change this behavior. As people age, they sometimes develop odd habits that stick. Point out to your father that he is making these sounds. When you are in his company – preferably at home – and he grunts or moans or growls, say something immediately. Ask him why he is making those sounds. You should find out quickly whether he is doing it consciously based on his response. If he is unaware of it, ask him if you have permission to point it out the next time it happens. Tell him that when he makes these sounds in front of others, it can be awkward and can hurt people’s feelings. If your father is willing to hear you and understand that these sounds make others uncomfortable, he may try to stop making them.

But do know that there is a fairly good chance that your father won’t stop. If he doesn’t, you may have to learn to live with it.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.