DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-wife has recently remarried. I am indifferent about the marriage, but I need to communicate more with the new guy because my ex and I have children together. I want to talk to him about how my children will refer to him –NOT “Dad”– and how he plans on parenting them. How do I ask for him to meet with me? It doesn’t matter if my ex is there. – Not Their Daddy, Tucson, Arizona

DEAR NOT THEIR DADDY: As much as you won’t want to hear this, I suggest that you start with your ex and tell her you want to have a conversation with her about the future. I doubt that it will ever work for you and her new husband to try to get on the same page without her blessing. You can tell your ex that you have been thinking about how things will unfold now that she is remarried, and you would like to check in with her husband so that the two of you can reach an agreement about his role. Ask for her blessing for the two of you to get together. If she agrees, let her know upfront what you have in mind, especially what he will be called and where and how discipline figures into daily life.

If you get to meet directly with the new husband, be respectful of him in his new role, and ask him to treasure your children, even as you remind him that you intend to be active in their lives.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in the suburbs, but on the outskirts of town, so I have a little more land. My neighbors have a garden and have been recently creating compost. They haven’t told me this–my nose has. There is a nasty manure pile and rotting food in their backyard. It is putrid, and I think they should move it. We already don’t have the best relationship, so I would like this confrontation to go as smoothly as possible. – No Manure, Poughkeepsie, New York

DEAR NO MANURE: Now is as good a time as any to put on your best behavior. You have to forge a positive relationship with these people if you want to stand a chance of enjoying the extra land you have acquired. So go on over there. Bring a bottle of wine if you think they would enjoy that, and ask if you can sit down and talk. Apologize for getting off to a rocky start, and suggest that you all start over, trying to figure out how best to get along.

Tell them that you have a concern that you really need to bring up with them. Ask for their blessing to share it. Then spill the beans. Tell them that you appreciate that they are trying to be eco-conscious, but that where they have placed their manure pile and composting heap are in direct line of your windows, and it’s making you sick. Ask them if they would consider moving the pile or possibly also enclosing it in order to contain the odor. If you ask nicely, you may get a yes!

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.