DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I stayed my first full night at my girlfriend’s place. While I expected a peaceful night, I found I couldn’t sleep because of her snoring! I realized she snores when she’d fall asleep for a little while at my place, but this snoring is so loud, I’m concerned for her health. She snores so loudly, it sounds like she chokes herself and then begins to cough. She does all of this while sleeping, but I feel like there is no way she’s lived 26 years without someone telling her she snores! Needless to say, I got no sleep that night, and I don’t know if this will be a deal breaker in our relationship. We can’t move in together if she refuses to try to fix her snoring problem. – Up All Night, Detroit

DEAR UP ALL NIGHT: You are getting way ahead of yourself. Sure, it could be uncomfortable to bring up the snoring issue with your girlfriend, but don’t jump all the way to you not being able to live with her because she refuses to address the situation. You will not know how she is going to react until you bring it up.

Do some research on the topic. There are any number of medical concerns that have snoring as a side effect – from allergies to sleep apnea. Some have simple solutions, and others are more dramatic. Read up so you can share your research with your girlfriend if and when it’s needed.

Start your conversation with her by asking her if she knows that she snores. Do not speak in an accusatory tone. Just ask. Then tell her what you experienced and how disturbing it was. Tell her that you are concerned for her health and want her to get it checked out. Share the research that you have done. Encourage her to go to the doctor to see if anything is wrong. If, over time, she does not follow up and you experience the snoring repeatedly, tell her that you won’t be able to sleep with her until she figures out how to modify her breathing. I hate ultimatums, but sometimes they get well-meaning but slow-moving people to take action.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never had a car of my own, but I feel like having one could change my life. I live in a rural area, so any trip requires begging someone with a car for a ride. I’ve done some research and found that I can afford monthly lease payments, but not the down payment. The other option is buying a used car, but I wouldn’t even be able to drive over and see the car before purchasing. I feel so stuck, and I want to stop having to latch onto others for a lift. Should I take on my first debt to buy a car? – Open Pavement Dreams, Virginia

DEAR OPEN PAVEMENT DREAMS: Don’t give up on the car seller so fast. If the person really wants to sell, there’s a good chance he will meet you somewhere with the car for you to test it out. Ask. Find out all of the details about the car in advance so that you can check it out on carmax.com. Also, look into special deals for new cars with low or zero down payments. Many options are out there, including something that could be perfect for you.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.