DEAR HARRIETTE: I have wanted to get some sort of rebellious piercing for a while. I have shied away from anything extreme on my face and ears for fear of losing professional success. I spoke to one of my friends about how I’d feel more self-confident, and she suggested I get a nipple piercing. I told her I don’t want people to see me sexually, and we got into a spat at our dinner. I looked into it, and even young supermodels are hopping on the trend of getting exotic piercings. I guess the tides are turning, but I don’t know if I’m too old (and not a supermodel) to try this out. – Need Something New, Boston

DEAR NEED SOMETHING NEW: I’ve got the cold-water-in-your-face question: Why? Why do you want a rebellious piercing? Figure out the driving force – if you can – as that will help to guide your steps. You may just need to do something that shakes up your life in a very different way. Could that be a vacation rather than a permanent hole about which you are completely unsure? What about some kind of kooky investment, like a piece of your favorite art? Stock in your favorite company? Dinner at a really expensive restaurant? My point is that you can do something that feels crazy but that matches your mood without being physically compromising.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a Japanese-American woman married to an American man. In the Japanese culture, the eighth wedding anniversary is said to give your marriage good luck. I mentioned the significance of our upcoming anniversary to my husband, but he shrugged this off. I find it important to celebrate my culture in the marriage as well as his. How can I turn my husband, who isn’t really caring, into someone who will allow me to celebrate this little victory in my culture? – He Doesn’t Get It, Roosevelt Island, New York

DEAR HE DOESN’T GET IT: Springing this concept on your husband may have been the mistake here. Your job is to teach your husband about your culture over time so that he will be interested. Little lessons here and there can go a long way. Since you are approaching your anniversary now, it is up to you to make it special in ways that will acknowledge your heritage and include your husband without being annoying.

Think about what makes your husband happy about your union and what is special to him. Plan to emphasize what he appreciates, and let him know the plan. Incorporate the concept of good luck into your overall plans, including any special activities that should be part of the actual celebration, but don’t make them highlights. Instead, make them accents.

I will add that if you have not incorporated aspects of your Japanese heritage into your celebrations in the past, but you really want to do so, now is your chance to speak up for yourself and make that known. On one hand, you will need to accept your husband for who he is and how he flows through life. On the other, you can help him evolve to embrace your cultural ways. Do it with baby steps.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.