DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment in Manhattan in New York City. One of my stepdaughters lives in a suburb, but she sleeps over whenever she goes out with her friends and misses the train back home. She rarely comes prepared to stay the night. I leave for work before she wakes up, but I suspect she has been stealing my clothing. I don’t want her to think I’m an evil stepmother, but I want to know who has been helping herself to my wardrobe. I wouldn’t worry about an occasional shirt, but I have found I am missing pants, socks – even underwear! How can I confront my stepdaughter? – Sticky Fingers, New York City

DEAR STICKY FINGERS: Why not adopt a more positive attitude? Instead of believing that your stepdaughter “stole” your wardrobe items, consider that she “borrowed” them without asking. In this way, it is easier and pretty simple to ask for them back. Tell her that you have noticed that after her visits, a few of your wardrobe items have gone missing. You can be jovial as you ask her about them. For example, you can ask if she likes your style. Or you can be more sober and point out that you realize that often when she visits, she has been unprepared and you are glad you had some items she could borrow, but you need them back now. You could also make a general statement to her about being happy to help her have a place to lay her head on her late nights in the city, but you aren’t thrilled about your wardrobe depletion. Ask her to bring back your clothing, accessories and underwear, and invite her to use a corner of an available closet to house some of her things for future moments when she spends the night.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has hit a financial hard time. She moved out of her huge house in the suburbs to somewhere a little farther away. She won’t tell me where she lives now, but I assume it is fairly close because she is still able to make social gatherings.

The suspense is killing me. If she had just told me where she moved, I wouldn’t be this curious. Now I feel like it is a mystery I need to solve. I’ve asked her more times than I can count. I’ve had to move because of my finances as well; it is nothing to be ashamed of. Why can’t she just tell me where she has gone? – No Housewarming Party, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR NO HOUSEWARMING PARTY: You won’t want to hear this, but where your friend lives really is none of your business. Everybody deals with hard times differently, and you have no idea what her life’s circumstances are right now. Rather than badgering her about that, make her feel comfortable, just as you would appreciate. When you see each other, spend quality time together. Stop sleuthing to learn what she obviously does not want to share publicly right now.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.