DEAR HARRIETTE: I planned to meet up with my perpetually late family at a trendy new restaurant. I secretly moved the reservation time an hour later because I knew they would be late. After I showed up for the 7 p.m. reservation, I waited another 30 minutes for any of them to arrive. It was so embarrassing for me that the hostess came up to me to essentially ask if I was being stood up.

We enjoyed dinner once everyone showed up, but there weren’t any apologies issued to me, just some grumbles about work. To their knowledge, I had been waiting an hour and a half. My blood nearly boiled. I knew everyone had been late in the past, but I expected them to change this time. I am about to go out of town for a while, and everyone wants to meet one last time. I’m refusing. – Nearly Stood Up, Baltimore

DEAR NEARLY STOOD UP: Rather than simply not coming, request that the dynamics of the gathering be changed. Ask a family member to host something at home that you can attend. Tell them all that you do not want to meet at a public place because you are no longer willing to wait and be embarrassed because they never make it on time. Tell the host that you will stay for an hour, and be specific about that time. Then, you can hang out with whoever is there and leave when you are ready. It is possible to control your life, even when others are unwilling to honor basic protocols of engagement.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: Through the grapevine, I heard that an acquaintance’s boyfriend has been unfaithful to her. This is not hearsay, considering I have received a video of him with the other woman. I am closer with him than I am with the girlfriend, and I do not approve of his scumbag actions. I talked this over with my boyfriend, and he thinks I should contact the boyfriend to let him know I have the video, while I think I should go straight to the girlfriend. I would want to be told if my partner were unfaithful, and there is damning evidence that he messed up. Should I go to the girlfriend or the boyfriend? – Liar, Liar, Las Vegas

DEAR LIAR, LIAR: Rarely does it work out well for the messenger in situations like this, even when you have obvious evidence. I concur with your boyfriend, especially since you know the perpetrator better. Get in contact with him face-to-face if possible. Tell the guy that you have seen a video of him with another woman, and you are very upset. Admit that while his intimate life is none of your concern, you are friends with him and know his girlfriend, so you are in an awkward position. Point out to him that since a video is making the rounds, he had better handle his business. It is only a matter of time before she finds out. Stay out of it after that.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.