DEAR HARRIETTE: I got invited to attend a book club by one of my friends. She thought it would be a great way for our friends and the women in the neighborhood to meet one another. I was all for it, and I never turn down a chance to read and discuss books. However, when I got there, I was immediately offered booze and gossip.

I don’t think anyone at my friend’s house even knew what book we were reading, except for two women I had a great conversation with. I don’t feel comfortable calling this gathering a book club, but I did get a chance to meet two likeminded women. Normally something like this wouldn’t be for me, but maybe this is what book clubs are now? – Bookworm, Denver

DEAR BOOKWORM: Many book clubs present legitimate opportunities for participants to engage in lively conversations about books that they have actually read. Indeed, some book clubs are very strict about their guidelines and may even send reminders to participants that they must have completed the reading before the time of the meeting, or they should not attend.

On the flip side, other book clubs serve more as opportunities for social engagement. Food, drink and socializing can take precedence in these gatherings, at least on occasion. This, naturally, can be frustrating for people who really want to discuss the meat of the book.

What you should do as you continue to search for your right fit is to ask a few questions upfront so that you find out if the club you are considering follows guidelines that you agree with.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: Upon traveling home to visit my elderly father, I reconnected with a childhood friend who didn’t leave the city we grew up in. We spent so much time together and shared nightly walks through the city. We caught up and were brutally honest about how we’ve been hurt in the past but are now looking for love. I think we each felt a spark in that moment. I plan on going back for Christmas.

We live thousands of miles apart, but I’ve known her for so long that it feels like this is right. My rational side is telling me to stop thinking she’d move for me, while my romantic side is telling me this could be the key to my happiness. Which do I listen to? – Dreamer vs. Realist, Los Angeles

DEAR DREAMER VS. REALIST: Listen to each other. Be brave and talk to your childhood friend about how you feel and what you have been thinking. Ask her if she would consider trying to see if there is a future between the two of you. Be honest about the challenges, including that you live so far away from each other. Be upfront. Ask your friend if she would consider moving to where you live. Know that since she never moved, this may be way past her comfort zone. You, too, should consider if you would ever move back home.

Know that you do not have to make a definitive decision right away. You can agree to try it out, spending time in your hometown and in your current town to see how things go. Take your time. Be sure to tell each other how you feel about the relationship as it evolves so that you protect each other’s feelings, no matter what ultimately happens.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.