DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently downsizing my life after realizing I have too many things in my possession. I recently donated 10 bags of clothes, and I threw away at least 10 bags full of garbage – and I live in just a one-bedroom apartment!

I made a promise that I would never live like a hoarder again. What are some safe measures I can take to ensure that I do not keep so many things I really do not need? – The Hoarder, Bronx, New York

DEAR THE HOARDER: Give yourself credit for recognizing that you hold on to too much stuff. You are not alone. That you want to safeguard yourself from collecting more things you don’t need is smart to think about at this time when you have just purged. One way to do this is to assess exactly what possessions you do need in your life. This should include the basics: kitchen utensils and food, furniture, clothing, toiletries, accessories, etc.

Before you make a purchase of any kind, stop and consider if you truly need whatever the item is. Reject impulse buys by resisting the temptation to purchase or bring home anything the first time you see it. You will find that you accumulate far fewer items by saying no the first time you consider acquiring them.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: Since my friend’s father recently passed, it has put a strain on our friendship. He seems a bit distant these days because we do not talk as much as we used to. I ask him if he wants some company, and he normally declines. I just want him to be better and make our friendship as it once was. Do I respect his space, or should I let him be? – A Friend in Need, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR A FRIEND IN NEED: It’s important for you to accept that as things happen in life, relationships change. Your friendship may never return to the way it was before your friend’s father died. That is normal – even if it is tough for you. Staying in the present and actively choosing to support your friend is your job.

He is processing a pivotal moment in his life: the loss of his father. Chances are, he doesn’t have much to say. Dealing with loss is a deeply personal process. Rather than trying to get him to talk, think of activities that he has enjoyed that are simple and fun. Invite him to do those things. Do not try to guilt him into spending time with you. Instead, stay in touch. You can call to say you are thinking about him. You can send him texts and emails from time to time with upbeat messages and photos. Continue to invite him to do things with you, and be patient. When he is ready, he will respond. Just don’t crowd him too much. He needs space to move through this time in his life. You need to find other things to do in the meantime.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.