DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I go over to my father’s house, it’s as though I am expected to cook him and his wife dinner. I do love experimenting in the kitchen, but not all the time. When I arrive, there’s usually a debit card on the table. The two of them are still at work and use me as a grocery shopper, home chef and dog walker.

I don’t mind helping my father out, but I’d just like to cook with him as opposed to him waiting to be served dinner. I know he works all day, but I do, too, and I think we could bond in the kitchen. How can I cross the line from home chef to family bonding? – Need a Sous Chef, Dallas

DEAR NEED A SOUS CHEF: It’s time to speak up. Before heading to your father’s for the next visit, call him and tell him your idea: You would like to cook with him, not for him. Be honest. Tell him that you most want to enjoy quality time with your father. Explain that being left the debit card and freedom to shop and cook does not make you feel special. Indeed, it makes you feel like hired help. Invite your father to have a date with you in his kitchen. Or, if he is not up for that, suggest that you three go out to dinner for a change. If your father is unresponsive, ask his wife.

• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got a pay cut at work. I didn’t tell my friends because I’m hoping the tide will turn for me soon. My old salary was great and allowed me to have a table when partying and the most stylish new clothes. Since the pay cut, I’ve completely cut back. I have to support only myself, so it hasn’t been too hard, but I’m having trouble staying in touch with my friends. They love to party, and my rigid new budget doesn’t have the room for it.

How can I suggest cheaper “staying in” ideas to my friends without seeming like a killjoy? They have only a few hours a week to let loose, and I’d like to stay a part of the circle, even if I don’t have the finances right now. – New Attitude, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NEW ATTITUDE: Are you close enough with anyone in your friend group to tell the truth? It would ease the pressure if you were able to talk to someone about your situation. In the same way that you once hosted a table when you hung out with your friends, others may be willing to host you here and there. If not, that tells you a lot about who your friends really are. While you should not be looking for a handout, it should be simple for the group to keep you involved during your lean times.

What’s also important is for you to take a good hard look at your own behavior. You spent all that you had when you were liquid. It’s time to think about a different way of living your life, with an eye toward the future. That could include finding new friends.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.