DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend just came home from an anxiety treatment facility after 15 weeks, and she refused to see me for about two days. I was really hurt by this. I was the reason she went and got help, and I was her lifeline throughout the entire experience, speaking on the phone with her for hours every night. The fact that she didn’t want to see me when she got back was extremely hurtful. She did see her other friends, who did not even call her to check on her in the past 15 weeks.

I feel so unappreciated because of her putting me so low on her priority list, but I understand coming home and transitioning back to normal is very stressful. She did see me after two days, so should I just let it go? – Feeling Unappreciated, Detroit

DEAR FEELING UNAPPRECIATED: Yes, you should let it go. Your friend probably felt self-conscious and even embarrassed when she got home. You were her lifeline, which also made you the one person who knows her secrets and vulnerabilities. Part of her likely wanted to get back to normal, which meant not thinking about what put her in the facility in the first place. Calling friends who were completely unconnected to her during that period allowed her to distance herself from her troubles.

The good news is that your friend didn’t take too long to reconnect with you. Forgive her for the frailty that led her to seem ungrateful. Continue to be the good friend you have been.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I was a full-time nanny during my summers in college. I nannied for the same family for three of those years. The boys were certainly a handful, but I worked hard and made my spending money for the year. Now, the same family is trying to get me to work for them full time out of college. They pay well, but I am trying to get a job that will set me up for my future. I don’t want to be a live-in nanny at all.

I am so thankful for the summers this family has allowed me to have, but the mother will not take no for an answer. When I first declined, she asked me why I couldn’t work for them. I responded by saying I was looking for a job in my field, and she said I could look for one in a few years when the boys go to middle school. I will not be guilted into a nannying job after I spent the last four years working hard for my GPA. How do I let her down firmly but kindly? – Not Your Baby Sitter Anymore, Westchester, New York

DEAR NOT YOUR BABY SITTER ANYMORE: Thank the family again for their generosity and support. Express gratitude for their faith in you that is pressing them to try to keep you as their nanny. If you can recommend someone to replace you, do that. Otherwise, just hold your ground. No means no, and they will figure it out when you don’t come back.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.