DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has secretly been planning a romantic getaway for the two of us. I am incredibly stressed from work and rarely sleep more than five hours a night. I know my husband has been planning this trip because he uses my Travelocity account, and I get email notifications. Honestly, I feel too tired and stressed to take this trip. The thought of missing a day of work makes my head pound. I cannot fall behind on responsibilities.

I don’t want to crush my husband’s heart, but I don’t want him to pay for the trip and then hear that I can’t come. Should I mention that I know what he’s doing and that I’ll be ready for a vacation next winter? I just can’t see many things slowing down for me soon. I know he is being incredibly sweet, but I don’t want to waste a vacation stressed about work. – Bound to the Office, St. Louis

DEAR BOUND TO THE OFFICE: Don’t be too hasty. Your husband may be trying to save your life – literally. Rather than discouraging him, why not tell him that you see what he is doing, thank him for his effort and tell him you will go but you cannot take a day off. Agree that you will go on a weekend getaway. While there, put work aside. It may seem impossible right now, but I bet it will be worth it for your health, your marriage and even your job.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: My current boyfriend used to have the reputation of being a bit of a party animal. He’s been to practically every club, bar and music festival in our city. In our time together, I sense that he has been growing out of his partying phase. However, I don’t know if my homebody personality is the cause of this. I could try to keep up with him at a party, but I just don’t really have it in me. I hate feeling like a wet blanket, but he assures me I keep him grounded.

Should I make an effort to be more outgoing? I would never want him thinking like he can’t have fun just because I don’t go out much. – Party Pooper, Boston

DEAR PARTY POOPER: Trust your boyfriend at his word. He did not choose you to be something that you are not. Perhaps he is ready to slow down and be in a committed relationship, and you are the one who has shown him the beauty and value in another way of living. Instead of trying to be like his old self, welcome him warmly into your world. Make it appealing to him as you also do not pressure him to become a homebody. Let him naturally choose what he wants for himself. Together, you two can figure out if you are a good fit.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.