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DEAR HARRIETTE: My job is not too lucrative – I work in a local grocery store. I graduated from high school a few years ago, and I live with my mom. I have moved to the basement and have my own “apartment” down there.

Recently, I have been having some boundary issues with my mom. She’ll come down when I have friends over or when I just want to be left alone. When I tell my mom to get out, she says that she is allowed in any part of her house. She’s never acted like this before, and when I asked her what her problem is, I didn’t get a response. What gives? I’ve lived in this house my whole life and have just started having problems with my mom. – Need Boundaries, Queens, New York

DEAR NEED BOUNDARIES: You and your mother need to have a sit-down where you discuss the ground rules for living in her home as an adult. While this has been your home growing up, the tables turn after you are an adult. Find out what her expectations are, and share with her your desires.

As it relates to her coming into your space, think about how you ask her to give you privacy. Telling her to get out will definitely backfire, as it is a disrespectful tone to use with your mother. You may have created an argument simply in the way you requested her to go. Patch it up with your mother, and find a middle ground that you both can follow.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: After graduating from school with an art degree, I discovered that I want to be an author. I haven’t even looked for a job in my field because I know I won’t be happy anymore now that I really know what I want to do with my life. Looking at successful authors motivates me to write a book and hope it becomes a bestseller. I want to go on a book tour and have fans wanting autographed books.

My friends have told me this requires a college degree, but E.L. James, the author of the “Fifty Shades” trilogy, studied history and is now incredibly successful. Should I tell my friends they’re not supporting my dream by urging me to continue school? I feel like I’m ready to write right now! – Writing My Dreams, Denver

DEAR WRITING MY DREAMS: As an author myself, I can tell you that it is wonderful that you want to pursue this passion. I highly recommend that you do so. In order to complete a book, you do not need a college degree, but you do need a topic about which to write; enough information about the subject to write a credible book, whether it’s fiction or nonfiction; excellent writing skills; and connections to get published. You may want to join writing workshops and other classes to help you hone your writing skills.

Most important is that you should look for a job that will pay your bills. Rarely do authors make enough money to support themselves solely from the books they have written. You will need money to pay for the pursuit of your dream.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.


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