I like Hillary Clinton (pause at laptop; dodge thrown vegetables; OK; resume typing).

But only the mature adult version. Not the one who is far too sensitive to (legitimate) criticisms (also aimed at male competitors such as Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, and Jeb Bush) that she should ignore. She is a gigantic trailer truck who has a bunch of little French poodles yapping at her tires as she drives by. She should just ignore them.

She is criticized sometimes for an irritated tone. Her fans (God love them all…) like to say, “Just because she has a (female sex organ) between her legs?!” Valiant debating points aside, the criticism is true – just like it is generally true of Jeb Bush, and was also often true of his father. (Both, by the way, have male genitalia between their legs).

Former Secretary of State Clinton is also criticized for an occasional high decibel. I want 100 strands of hair for each time her supporters (my friends among them) who say, “So men can scream? But women candidates can’t?!” No. Neither should. Use your indoor voices, as Miss Manning use to say to us in kindergarten (10,000—20,000 strands would be needed…Male Pattern Baldness…).

Rand Paul used to scream. He is now spending quality time with family back in Kentucky (he is male). Mike Huckabee was apparently told in divinity school that the louder the message about Jesus, the more money in the collection plate. Doesn’t play well on C-SPAN, compadre (he also is male). I am told Arkansas is nice this time of year.

As for Hillary? I voted for her husband twice. I would like to vote for her twice. Speaking in moderation will help my odds of doing so.

I coached Mock Trial at Scarborough High School for 21 years. My favorite competitor was a kid I will, here, call Joe Smith. Smart kid. Great organizer. But I told him his speaking style reminded me of somebody calling home on their cell phone from Aisle 7 at Hannaford: “OK…I got cauliflower, spaghetti sauce, milk, bread, Oreos, and vinegar. Anything else?”

I made suggestions for substantial change in his style (he was male). He took the suggestions. Aced the competition.

Others on the team also were willing to improve – male and female.

Hillary Clinton does not always react well to criticism. She should. We like to say that if Donald Trump cannot take tough questions from a FOX NEWS anchorwoman, how will he face ISIS, etc., right? Ha ha ha!!! Sauce for the goose, etc…

My late mother used to have a saying when somebody verbally jabbed one of her kids. “Do you have a better life than your critics? Or do they have a better life than you? If you have a better life than they, ignore them.” (If they had a better life than we did, they were “just mean.” Interesting).

Hillary is a winner. She is going places – if she can keep her eyes on the prize, and not on the little dogs yapping at her hub caps.

If she were on the SHS Mock Trial team, I would insist she improve.

Body parts would not be why.

Suck it up, Hillary. You will like 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Dan Warren is a trial lawyer in Scarborough. He can be reached by private Facebook message at Jones & Warren Attorneys at Law page, or by email at jonesandwarren@gmail.com.