To me it’s a no-brainer — something I’d do in a heartbeat. My husband refuses! He says that if we do, we’ll never have children of our own. I feel like I’m being forced to choose between my husband and my nephews. What would you do?
PULLED IN TWO IN CINCINNATI
DEAR PULLED IN TWO: I’d keep talking to my husband about it, and find out why he thinks that taking in your nephews would prevent you from having children of your own. As a newly married man, he may be feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of having three boys to raise and support — so he can’t imagine having another child with you.
Do not let the subject rest until you have the answers to all of your questions. If the reasons are financial, perhaps he’d be more open to the idea if the rest of the family is willing to chip in. If that’s not the case, then you will have some serious choices to make.
DEAR ABBY: Why do some people think it’s acceptable to tuck in the tag on my shirt? It’s bad enough when my mother does it, but I have had acquaintances and even strangers do it without asking.
I said something the last time it happened, and the woman had the gall to take offense! All I said was, “Please don’t!” Am I wrong?
PLEASE DON’T IN TEXAS
DEAR PLEASE DON’T: I’m sure there are various reasons why people try to tuck in an errant tag — or remove a piece of lint — from a stranger’s clothing. I suspect they range from attempting to be helpful, to impulsiveness to compulsive behavior.
However, because what the woman did made you uncomfortable, you were right to tell her that you didn’t like it. She should have asked before touching a stranger because many people are sensitive to any breach of their personal space.
DEAR ABBY: I am a professional driver. Please allow me to offer some advice to everyone I share the road with:
1 Please do not honk or display obscene gestures because I am driving the speed limit. It’s not my fault that you’re late.
2 Please don’t pass me on the right, using the curb lane, parking lane, bike lane or sidewalk. It’s dangerous for me, for you, and for anyone who happens to be in those lanes legally.
3 Please obey the stop signs, stoplights, yield signs and other signs on the road. They’re there to protect people.
4 Please put down that breakfast sandwich, cup of coffee, lunch or dinner. If you’re that hungry, pull over to eat.
5 Please turn off your cellphones while driving. Whatever it is, it can wait. And if it can’t, you have no business being behind the wheel.
6 If you must discipline your children, please pull over to do it. I have seen drivers wrap their vehicles around trees and lampposts because they had turned around to talk to their child.
I drive more than 1,000 miles a week, and I see more accidents than most will in a lifetime. Many of them could have been avoided simply by paying attention to the road. If you choose to ignore this advice, I can pretty much guarantee that you will injure, or possibly kill, someone eventually. If my letter prevents just one fatality, then it was well worth the time it took to write it.
MILWAUKEE MILE MAN
DEAR MILE MAN: Thank you for taking the time to write. As both a driver and a passenger, I have seen some frightening near-misses because drivers chose to ignore speed limits and run stop signs and stoplights. Usually the infractions are caused less because of thoughtlessness than by rudeness and an attitude that the rules of the road apply to everyone else.
And please don’t think that automobile drivers are the only transgressors, because I have seen bikers and cyclists do some of the same things.
DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2013! While the last year has been a stressful one for many, a new year has begun, bringing with it our chance for a fresh start.
Today is the day we have an opportunity to discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, and with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby’s often-requested list of New Year’s resolutions that were adapted by my mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al- Anon:
JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.
I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I’ll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I’m a smoker, I’ll quit. If I’m overweight, I will eat healthfully — if only for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it’s only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.
DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say: “Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature.”
The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope.
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
And so, Dear Readers, may this new year bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you.
LOVE, ABBY
Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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