Shh, please be quiet about this column because I am justifying higher pay and benefits for writing this column. After seeing the reports about the Maine Turnpike Authority (MTA) and possibly the Maine Housing Authority (MHA) wasting our tax dollars like there was no tomorrow, I feel it’s time for the other 99 percent of us to be able to do the same. Well, I might be lying about all of the 99 percent because someone does have to pay the bills if you know what I mean. If you think the Maine Turnpike Authority doesn’t use tax dollars, think again because a fee is a tax by a different name.

I am not used to asking for more pay and better benefits but the payroll data requested from the housing authority by the Maine Heritage Policy Center shows that the number of employees earning over $100,000 in total compensation more than doubled from 2005 to 2010 (seven employees in 2005 to 17 in 2010). Total payroll and benefits increased by 30 percent during the same period of time. I have to be truthful here because it’s not so much the pay I am worried about, it’s the benefit package that I would like to receive that might resemble that of the MHA and MTA. I am not talking about things like free health and dental insurance or even free medical prescriptions.

What I want would make Ebenezer Scrooge roll over in his grave. Some of the spending by the MHA and MTA might just send us to our graves if the extent of misuse of state money ever comes to light. Data released to the Maine Heritage by the turnpike authority shows more than $7.4 million dollars in auto mileage reimbursements. It also showed more than $500,000 in entertainment and catering services and over $200,000 out-of-state airfare along with $77,000 for bottled water. I have a feeling I am being undercompensated. I would love to spend $500,000 in the form of gift and credit cards along with vacation and sick leave that I don’t have.

However, I wouldn’t want to spend any money or time at Fun Town/Splash Town because I probably would have a heart attack going down one of their slides or even worse, lose my swimming trunks. I would think using tax dollars for trips to Las Vegas should result in someone going to jail. The former director of the MTA went to jail and gets to keep his pension of $5,000 a month for the rest of his life. I am retired military and if I am convicted of a crime and do more than 60 days in jail, I lose all my benefits. I have come to the conclusion when it comes to our state government in Augusta, the fox is watching the hen house. That’s why I refer to our state capital as Disgusta.

Hello, anybody home at the State House? Can any elected or appointed official in Disgusta tell me why they only fix problems after they happen instead of having laws in place to prevent them in the first place? It’s high time to clean house and I seriously doubt I will ever support an incumbent for reelection ever again.

Lane Hiltunen of Windham never got caught with his hands in the cookie jar and fears that is happening in government more than one would think.