Comedian Colin Quinn put it this way; “Right now America feels like a bar at 3:30 a.m.”

2011 sure had that sinking feeling. Ask Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Mubarak, or Gaddafi. Ask Charlie Sheen or the Boston Red Sox. Ask the American middle class, or the Japanese nuclear power industry.

Ask, but keep in mind that things could be worse. We still have ATMs that dispense familiar greenbacks, personalized ring tones on communication devices that probably don’t cause brain tumors, and pizza with extra cheese baked right into the crust.

I can see the Check Engine light is on, and yes, I can hear that high-pitched whine, but we’re still on the road and there is a lot to look forward to in 2012.

Already, the U.S. Congress has announced its intention to work only 109 days this year and I say bully for them. This should help contain the legislative lunacy that 535 room-temperature IQs can unleash, and just may improve the group’s historically low approval rating. I’m assuming it will be another banner year for celebrity politics in any event. Who knows? A repentant Sarah Palin as the new new governor of Alaska: She’s back. Now she gets it.

As the Republicans have made clear, no one remotely qualified on their side of the aisle wants to be president, so it’s likely we’ll get Romney again. I suppose honesty and fresh ideas aren’t everything. And if you want chops in the White House, vote for Obama. He nailed Osama bin Laden, after all, and got the 9/11 monkey off the nation’s back. Since taking office he’s also taken out 27 of al-Queda’s top 30 leaders–most while they were asleep in their beds. Everyone thought the man was a wuss. Turns out he’s an assassin. The Republican Party would have to nominate Yosemite Sam to beat him.

There’s a juicy rumor that the Chinese economy just might implode this year. They’ve got their own big-time mortgage mess. They’ve built massive cities to house and employ tens of millions of people that stand completely empty. We only built suburbs 200 miles into the desert. I think we can stop worrying about The Cheesecake Factory becoming America’s last manufacturer.

We’re learning to decipher the demented landscape of North Korea, too. You’ll recall that the country’s supreme leader, Kim Jong-il, was feeling poorly and died. The good news is that his successor, Kim Jong-un, is sane.

That’s right, he’s un-crazy. Un-nuts. Un-wacky. No lustful fantasies about Elizabeth Taylor for him. Meanwhile, his father’s mistress and defacto first lady, Kim-ok, is sticking around and I’m OK with that. Now, was that so hard Madame Clinton?

We’re waging a perky war against political correctness here at home, too. Be on the lookout for Jersey, the new perfume that asks, “What the hell are you looking at?” And did you see the holiday season’s hottest gift concept? Toilet paper with American currency printed on each sheet. It’s like getting a present from the federal government. A practice kit.

I admit, I’ll miss the Homeland Security’s color-coded National Terrorism Advisory System. I came to feel comfortable – and I believe much more alert – at Level Orange. And I have my memories. I was in New York City the day Martha Stewart was sentenced to jail – the level there went to fuchsia.

So hang in there, gentle readers. I know the polar bears are dying, teens are smoking more, and obesity is threatening to reverse our national life expectancy. I realize it looks like the country is being run by a bunch of people you wouldn’t follow through your own front door, but it’s not time to go fishing with Fredo yet. Right now, Governor LePage is hard at work trying to recapture the millions currently going to heroin addicts for free taxi rides to methadone clinics, and I’m hopeful the folks using government handouts to buy big-screen TVs and vodka will wake up one day soon with a conscience.

Yup, 2012 looks like a winner to me. This year at my place, every Tuesday is pudding day.

Rick Roberts lives in Windham.