On Monday, the SAD 6 school board held a meeting, part of which was a closed-door executive session to evaluate Superintendent Suzanne Lukas’ job performance during the past year. The following is a fictitious account of what went on behind those closed doors:

School Board Member No. 1: “All right folks, we’re here to talk about how Suzanne has performed this year. I think I can speak for all of us by saying, Sue, you’ve done a great job, especially with the brouhaha regarding the recent Bonny Eagle High School graduation. You did exactly what we wanted, and, don’t worry, you won’t get any complaints from us.”

Member No. 2: “Well put. Ms. Lukas is an exceptional superintendent. Bonny Eagle’s reputation has soared in recent years with all the positive things going on, both in and out of the classroom. And we have Suzanne to thank for that.”

Member No. 3: “Hear! Hear! And even though I was against spending $119,000 on her salary last year, I can see she’s worth every penny, especially considering the last month. Sue, you earned that June paycheck, that’s for sure.”

Lukas: “Thanks very much, folks. I appreciate your support.”

Member No. 1: “How are you holding up, Suzanne?”

Lukas: “Well, I’ve been better. This whole thing has seemed pretty strange. People who I thought were on my side call or write me e-mails saying I should be fired. I just don’t understand the public reaction.”

Member No. 4: “Yeah, I’ve been getting e-mails too, and people I meet in the store wonder if this is something we talked you into, or a decision you made on your own.”

Lukas: “Well, you know, that whole pledge thing did come from you guys. I’m taking the bullets, but you guys wanted me to maintain order at graduation, so I did.”

Member No. 1: “Yes, I know we are to blame, but thanks for taking the heat, Suzanne, deflecting the attention.”

Lukas: “I would say ‘blame’ is a little harsh. The board’s not to blame. Sure, we asked the kids to sign a good-behavior pledge, thinking they’d be adult enough to follow it. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that pledge was a mistake. I mean, really, what were they going to do, refuse to sign it and not get to participate in the ceremony? In retrospect, that darned pledge may have ironically caused the kids to go a little further in their pranks than they originally were planning. I’ve seen two or three beach balls up in the air, but never six, plus that silly duck!”

Member No. 5: “I’ve been thinking the same thing, Suzanne. That pledge was a bad idea on our part. We were presuming guilt, not innocence, and it backfired on us. So, where should we go from here?”

Member No. 3: “OK, I think we should just have Suzanne apologize on behalf of the school board and herself. We are the ones who put her up to it. She was just doing our bidding, as she’s said many times in the press.”

Member No. 2: “Yes, I agree. Everyone apologizes nowadays, that lovesick Gov. Mark Sanford most recently. She could even go on an apology tour, from newspaper to newspaper and then hitting all the news stations.”

Member No. 1: “All righty then, sounds like a plan. We’ll say we’re sorry, and everything will go back to normal. It’s just how public people have to operate in today’s politically correct climate. I just wish we had apologized sooner. People will wonder what took us so long.”

Member No. 2: “I doubt it. All these folks really wanted was an apology, so that’s what we’ll give them. Only we will know if our apology was sincere or not.”

John Balentine, of Windham, is the former editor of the Lakes Region Weekly.