“Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.” -Voltaire.

Lane/Tommy: We have more in common than reduced taxation and smaller government. We share a love for food that is far beyond red hot dogs and pizza, although we enjoy them also. What we share is an admiration for different ethnic foods. That is true ethnic foods, not some sorry American replacement that doesn’t come close to what it should be. Whether it’s Chinese, Italian, Indian, Portuguese, Jewish, Spanish or African American, it makes no difference to us as long as it is made fresh and true to its origin.

Lane: I grew up raised basically on food that repeated on the same day of the week. Let’s say Monday was stuffed cabbage, Tuesday was stuffed green peppers, etc. The menu was not extensive and as we were poor, eating in restaurants was at a very severe minimum. The first time I ever had breakfast at a diner I was asked by the waier how I wanted my eggs cooked. I replied, “cooked.”

I was totally surprised and happy when I went into the Army and traveled around the world twice. My knowledge of fast food was an A&W Root Beer stand and a Kentucky Fried Chicken place. Other than that we had a couple of typical local diners that served the usual greasy fare. Yes, I thought it was good and still do today, although I also love to look for ethnic foods to sooth my palate. Here’s Tommy!

Tommy: I grew up in Queens, N.Y. in a truly diverse neighborhood. On the street where I lived there were families of all origins like Jewish, Spanish, German, Italian, Polish, Irish and others. I remember growing up and learning the differences between the various cultures and how they interacted with each other. These groups got along without the media’s phony publicity of today that makes one believe it cannot happen.

One of the easiest ways to learn various cultures was to go to a friend’s house for supper. It was an amazing learning experience. One night I went to my friend Anthony’s house for Italian food cooked by his grandmother from Italy. She would talk about working in olive groves or fishing in a river in her town. The next night I ate at Grandma Olches house where I enjoyed Jewish cuisine as a kid. She was not my grandmother but every child in the neighborhood knew her as Grandma Olches. I found out much more than what Jewish food was, I was taught about the Holocaust.

The next night at the Schmitt house I enjoyed sauerbraten and dumplings which are German food, Spanish rice at the Lopez home, chicken and sweet potato pie at my black friend Stanley’s home all were a learning experience that made me what I am today. By the way, I am, of course, Irish so when friends came to my house they always got roast beef or corned beef and potatoes. True Irish food! I feel lucky for having such a diverse neighborhood with an ethnic selection of food. In my house, Italian night comprised of spaghetti with Campbell’s Tomato Soup for sauce.

Lane: Tommy is making me want to travel again. One of our common desires is nothing less than excellent sauerkraut. No, not the canned or bagged garbage one finds in local supermarkets. If someone in Maine wants genuine sauerkraut, they must go to Morse’s Sauerkraut on Route 220 off of Route 1 in Waldoboro by the famous Moody’s Diner. We will have more on that in future.

Lane/Tommy: What, not talk about taxes? Wrong answer! In Maine if an owner in a food establishment gives an employee a free lunch then the equivalent to the taxes that would have been paid if that sandwich had been sold must be collected. Mabel, that means no free lunch in Maine.

Lane and Tommy, of Windham, after observing American eating habits, have opened an open-heart surgery clinic in Windham. Although they cannot afford expensive operating tools, they can guarantee that their combination of a chainsaw and axe will ensure you will not return for further surgery.