To the editor:

I read with interest that once again the U.S. Postal Service is in financial trouble. Without the interference of Congress, there might not be a postal service.

When towns and other municipalities find the coffers emptying at an alarming rate, they fix the problem by appealing to human nature’s basest instincts: Gambling.

So many states now allow gambling it’s easy to forget that 50 years ago, gambling was a crime.

I know firsthand. My Uncle Frank was one of the gamblers caught and led away in chains (according to my aunt) after a raid on Chester’s Smoke Shop in St. Louis. We kids often sat in the back seat of his ’48 Hudson while he placed a bet in Chester’s back room. The thing of it was, my uncle didn’t smoke.

So why doesn’t the Postal Service take a lesson from those states that support lotteries and casino gambling?

First of all, let’s revamp our local post offices to give them some glitz, make them a place people want to come to and leave their money. Fix up the entrance to look more like a Las Vegas instant wedding chapel, for example.

In fact, why not perform wedding ceremonies at the post office? You may have to wait in line until they notice your bouquet and call someone inside to work the window because the customer before you will not take anything less than a sheet of stamps featuring warblers.

But seriously, why not a nice waterfall at the entrance to the Brunswick Post Office on Pleasant Street? Or a replica of the Titanic for the City of Ships? And wouldn’t it be appropriate for the Lisbon Post Office to entice visitors with a Steven King Theme Park featuring a scale model of the Stanley Hotel.

For the main business of the postal service, instead of the familiar stamp vending machines, there would be onearmed bandits redesigned to give you odds on whether you get a stamp or not.

Shoving those silver dollars into the slot for a 44-cent stamp will increase profits exponentially. The stamps themselves would be small works of art that the Postal Service auctions the rights to corporations, as they do with stadiums in professional sports. Corporations are people, and we have a history of immortalizing people so why not Citi?

I can envision a Bank of America stamp portraying a vacant house with a foreclosure sign in front of it.

How about a nice Wells Fargo stamp portraying stacks of greenbacks piled on top of some hapless cartoon character. Walmart could have its stamp adorned with the motto: We Want It All.

What are the odds?

Bob Kalish

Arrowsic