Meeting people in alleys gets old, I thought, but some folks get nervous about being seen at your office.

That’s the way it is when your name is Dick Richards and your job is counseling clients who never take your advice.

“Psst! Is that you, Richards?”

Yeah, it’s me. Who else would be out here on a cold October night waiting to meet with somebody running for office?

“Thanks for coming. We know this is unusual, but there isn’t any upside to having it known we were consulting a P.I.”

I know, you and all my other political instigation clients. It’s why I drink and watch Keith Olbermann without anesthesia. What can I do for you?

“Well, we’re all moderate Republicans, and we’re getting worried about a bunch of people who really seem to dislike us and want to make sure people like us either lose our upcoming re-election campaigns or never get elected to public office in the first place.”

You mean you want help confronting Democrats and their radical left-wing allies in the public employee unions, hard-core greenies and peaceniks, and the Moveon.org crowd?

“No, we mean the tea party. Who else would we mean?”

Oh, right. You know you brought this on yourselves.

“Why? All we’ve been doing is going along to get along. We just want to cooperate with people of differing views to pass legislation that benefits society as a whole.”

So, tell me about the health care bill. How influential were you guys in getting the Democrats to modify it?

“It hardly ended up like the left-wing radicals wanted, you can tell by how they scorn it.”

Right, but how many GOP amendments were added to it before it passed with only Democratic votes?

“Uh, none.”

Yep. People thought electing Scott Brown in Massachusetts would be the 41st vote to deny it cloture and force a compromise, but Senate Democrats jiggered parliamentary rules to adopt the House-passed version by a majority vote and never even asked you guys what you wanted, did they?

“No, they didn’t need us, so they ignored us.”

This is the point where Agent Gibbs dope-slaps Tony, his pretty-boy investigator on “NCIS.” You slither in here saying compromise is your goal, but the only compromise your opposition will engage in by choice is what is necessary to get its own members to vote with leadership. If they need an extra vote or two, they peel you off and you boast about it.

And every time they beat you like a rented mule, you still call it “bipartisanship.” Don’t you know how that makes you look to people who want responsible representation in Washington?

“How can you say we’re not responsible? There are lots of laws that never would have been passed if it weren’t for us being willing to cross the aisle.”

You’re right, but things have changed. People have started to add up how much those “responsible” laws are costing them and their children – and their grandchildren. They see their entire futures being put at risk, and they’re right to be worried about it.

And the Internet has given them a way to organize, share information and schedule rallies and other events that bypass the routes that had been closed to them in the past – including in many parts of the GOP. It’s no wonder they don’t think they owe you anything.

“But what you’re describing is anarchy. It’s a bunch of people with no political experience thinking they can tell those of us who have been in this forever that they know better than we do!”

There’s another way to describe that. It’s called “the grassroots,” and it’s what the “demos” in democracy stands for – rule of, by and for the people. I know, it’s a republic, and we elect people to represent us rather than voting on most issues ourselves.

But what should ordinary people do when the representatives they elect start worrying more about what the opposition thinks of them than they do about their own constituents?

“Look, Richards, we came here for advice, not criticism. You’re saying we’re out of touch with ordinary Americans. You’re telling us we treat our constituents’ hard-earned money as if it grew on trees, spending it wildly and carelessly wherever we think it will bring us political advantage!”

Keep going, you’re doing better than I could. You’re upset that a lot of voters have finally caught on to that scam, and they’re tired of financing their own impoverishment. You can call it the “Revolt of the Wagon-Pullers,” if you want.

People have finally realized that they work hard to pay their own mortgages, so why should they bail out someone else who won’t work to pay theirs?

They scrimp and save to afford insurance, and see politically favored groups get it for free. Their own kids join the military and the kids of the elites avoid any kind of service. And they’re tired of it – tired to the bone.

“What will happen to us?”

The way I see it, the GOP has one more chance to get it right. If it falls back into the way it has always done business, you can count on challengers in primaries and general elections being mounted all across the nation two years from now.

“But don’t they know that will only help the Democrats?”

Right now they don’t care about that, because they don’t see much of a difference. They just see people who want to bankrupt us quickly, and people who want to take a few more years to do it. What they want is to start electing people who won’t bankrupt us at all.

And this time, I think they actually mean it.

M.D. Harmon is an editorial writer. He can be contacted at 791-6482 or at:
mharmon@mainetoday.com