DEAR ABBY: I recently married the love of my life. However, a few years ago, I had an affair with his uncle. It was a terrible mistake. Should I explain this to my husband or keep my shameful secret a secret? Please tell me what I should do.

— CONFUSED WIFE

IN THE EAST

DEAR CONFUSED WIFE: I vote for telling your husband the truth. Better he should hear it from you now than hear about it later from his uncle. new job four months ago after being out of work because of a large downsizing at my last employer’s, an insurance company. My new job is close to home, and I really like the work involved.

I’m single, in my early 40s and have a wonderful relationship with a widower I met in church. My problem involves my immediate boss, who is a married man with a family. He has asked me to join him for lunch several times. He has left flowers in my car with a note, and keeps asking me to go to concerts out of town because he says his wife doesn’t want to go and he doesn’t want to go alone.

I have tried to downplay his advances, but I am afraid it might cost me my job, my boyfriend and the ability to help my parents financially. I am aware my co-workers are probably wondering what is going on. How do I handle this delicate situation and do the right thing?

— IN A QUANDARY IN

NEW ENGLAND

DEAR IN A QUANDARY: Tell your boss that you are involved in a committed relationship, and so is he. The next time he invites you to lunch, inform him that his invitations are making you uncomfortable. After that, if he persists in leaving flowers with little notes, hang onto them because they would be evidence that you were being harassed in case your refusal to have a personal relationship affects your employment.

DEAR ABBY: For the past year I have been married to a man I love with all my heart, but we have yet to reside in the same house. He lives in another city with his child’s mother and gives me excuse after excuse as to why he won’t leave. It’s either that he’s scared to have to pay child support, or he’s afraid of my temper (which I’m seeking help for), or it’s just not the right time.

I think I should take priority over his child’s mother because I am his WIFE. I am fed up with the excuses and ready to call it quits. What should I do?

— MARRIED BUT

ALONE IN MARYLAND

DEAR MARRIED: Keep working on your anger issues, but call it quits. Obviously, your “husband’s” priorities lie elsewhere. Whether in the legal sense or the emotional, he appears to be very much married to his child’s mother. As it stands, you are already living as a divorcee, so make it official and move on.