DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is a bit of a bookworm. He used to attend robotics camps, but I’ve noticed a difference in him as he’s entered high school. Gone is the “Star Wars” obsession and love for extra math problems. I think my son is trying to better his social ranking in high school and is doing all of the things “cool kids” do, like not care about homework.

The final straw came when I got home and saw that beer had been taken out of the fridge. I assume my son had some sort of get-together in which underage children drank alcohol. I wouldn’t know for sure because my son refuses to confess. I didn’t drink the beer, my wife didn’t drink the beer and my 6-year-old daughter did not drink the beer.

I want to show my son that you don’t have to throw parties to be popular. I am disappointed that he drank beer, and I am worried about him and his self-esteem. Should I punish him for drinking my beers? I think he’s desperately trying to make friends, but I don’t want him going to these lengths and lying to me. – Something’s Brewing, Detroit

DEAR SOMETHING’S BREWING: Two things need to happen. First, your son must learn the consequences of his actions. If you know he is responsible for the beer consumption, he needs some kind of punishment for lying and underage drinking. Even more, you need to get him to talk about what’s happening at school. Remind him of the importance of keeping his values, even as he expands his friend group. Stay as close to him as you can so that you can know when to be of support.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is very ambitious. He has a lot of goals and dreams that he wants to accomplish; however, he’s not the best at time management. Lately, I haven’t seen him at all – and we live in the same house! All he does is work all day and all night. He never had much of a social life because he was always so consumed in work.

I’m worried about him. If he were to lose his job, what would his mental state be? I feel like he views himself as worthless without his job. How do I show him that it’s not about work all the time? He deserves to go out and have a social life. How do I raise my brother’s self-esteem so that he doesn’t hide behind his work all the time?

With or without his job, he’s an awesome brother. He should know that and carry himself as such. I just want him to be happy. He hasn’t had a girlfriend in ages. He’s young. He should be out living life. All he does is work. He needs to see other things besides the four walls of his office. There’s so much more in life. Why spend your life hiding from it all behind a desk? – Tired of This Workaholic, Suffolk County, New York

DEAR TIRED OF THIS WORKAHOLIC: When starting a career, people often work a lot of hours. You can tell your brother you miss him and are proud of him, but don’t stand in the way of his focus. He connects his value to his job, which may be OK for a while. You and your brother may not share the same values regarding happiness. What you can do is love him unconditionally and make sure he knows that.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.