DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Michael” keeps putting everything off until he gets in better shape. When I say “everything,” I mean it: vacations, activities, switching jobs, even leasing a new car. It has become almost comical how far Michael can stretch the notion that he needs to wait until he is in better shape to do something.

Recently, I snapped at my friend and told him that he either needs to change his physique or stop complaining and actually have a productive life. He hasn’t spoken to me since. I don’t want to apologize. I want Michael as a friend, but I think he needed this wake-up call. Is there anything I can do now? – Snapped, Detroit

DEAR SNAPPED: Sometimes being a good friend means being the one who throws cold water in your face. That never feels good even if it is the best thing to happen in that moment. Rather than apologize, you may want to check in on your friend. Contact Michael and tell him you miss him. Ask him how he’s doing, and tell him about your life. Invite him to do something with you. A simple check-in and invitation may coax him out of this space in his life where he seems to be stuck. It is worth a try.

• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: My only daughter is getting married in a month, and my husband doesn’t want to talk about this occasion at all. I have prodded him, which usually leads to him snapping at me. I can’t tell if he is upset his little girl is getting married, doesn’t like her fiance or doesn’t think they’ve been together long enough. I want him to be honest with me. I am his wife, and this is one of the few times he’s ever shut down on me. I want answers from him to see if he’s just aching watching his daughter growing up, or secretly reaching a boiling point. – Dead Silence, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

DEAR DEAD SILENCE: Check in with your daughter to see if the two of them have talked at all about the upcoming wedding. Encourage her to reach out to her dad to connect over the ceremony. Has she asked him to give her away? Perhaps an overture from her will break the ice on this uncomfortable moment.

As far as you are concerned, you can share your feelings about your daughter’s upcoming wedding. Tell your husband the range of thoughts and feelings you are having, seeing your daughter grow up and take this huge step, recognizing that she is no longer a child, thinking about her future. Just talk and share your ideas in a calm manner. On occasion, ask him to chime in.

Before the wedding, ask him directly if he has any reason to think your daughter should not marry her fiance and if he is going to participate in the wedding. You need to know the basics in order to manage that day. The rest will reveal itself in time.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.