I’ve got a khaki conundrum, a denim dilemma. 

Pockets, particularly women’s pants pockets, just don’t run deeply enough.

There’s hardly any girth to squeeze in one’s hand, let alone stow away anything which serves a functional purpose such as a phone or car keys.

Before kids, it was kind of sweet.

I could never fit odds and ends and a wallet in my laughably impractical tiny pockets, so my husband would always offer to hold surplus items for me when I just didn’t feel like lugging around a handbag.

Because, you know, men’s pockets are cargo sized, spacious beauties, by all accounts practical as pockets should be.

I suppose this idiosyncratic difference is due to clothing manufacturers’ presumption women load up wallets and keys and the like in our purses and pocketbooks.

And we do.

But in my case, digging through the depths of a Mary-Poppinsian bag for loose change, chapstick or hand sanitizer is far more cumbersome and awkward than a simple out-of-pocket pluck.

Maybe women just have more stuff than men– stuff that’s on us at all times. 

How often do we see men whip out checkbooks?

And then kiddos come along. 

And though a mama’s love runs deep, her pockets still don’t.

And hefty trendy purses get swapped with–or joined by, in my case– massive diaper bags.

Loaded to the brim with swaths of diapers, heaping portions of Goldfish crackers, piles of clothes, tubes of Desitin, pop-top containers of wipes, cascades of toys and crayons and coloring books, you become Go-Go-Gadget Mama and Dada with everything at the ready.

And as much as I try to simplify the contents of my diaper bag and purse, there’s just no minimizing the burden of ‘what-ifs’ and feeling as though I’m missing something.

This would be easier if I had deeper pockets.

Many families wish for this in the figurative sense, but literally deep pockets would be fantastic too.
To be able to reach for something in my pocket quickly rather than dig deep through the board book abyss would be much easier.

Maybe I need a utility belt. Or a fanny pack. Whatever happened to fanny packs?

I’ve decided to name my left and right pocket to gain some perspective of organization.

They’re named ‘Trash’ and ‘Recycling’, respectively.

The ‘trash’ pocket contains snack wrappers, crumbs, icky wipes and tissues.

Because wrappers and icky wipes fit inside women’s slim pockets. I make a mental note to empty this said pocket into the actual trash before it’s laundry go-time.

My ‘recycling’ pocket keeps small on-the-go items that can be used more than once, such as new or barely-used tissues. But really, there’s no room for anything beyond a tissue or two.

So it’s bags at my feet, bags under my eyes.

We really need to bring back the fanny pack.

— Michelle Cote is the creative director of the Journal Tribune and a nationally-syndicated columnist. She enjoys cooking, baking, and living room dance-offs with her husband, two boys and a dog. She can be contacted at mcote@journaltribune.com.