The tragedies this summer in Israel and Gaza remind me so much of Scarborough – or people in Scarborough.

Let’s establish two things right up front (so we can all avoid 30 days of back and forth emails): 1.) What happened to the Israeli teenagers, allegedly perpetrated by bad people affiliated with Palestine to start this whole debacle is awful, horrible, the worst of human nature, and actions that should not be tolerated by any civilized society; and 2.) what has occurred in Gaza and Palestine as a result of Israeli retaliation is horrific, over the top, and violent in a manner not seen in recent international history. I understand both. I am not apologizing for either, or underestimating the suffering of either.

I have one narrow point. It is one I teach young people, discuss with legal clients, and warn political candidates and youth sports teams I have worked with to be mindful of. If you attack me, you do not get to decide how I respond.

Simple as that.

Over and over in the “new” world of the Land of 04074, we have “the white-gloved crowd,” as my late mother called them, who come into town and then, for example, put a fence ON TOP of a controverted boundary line between their property and the neighbor’s; or send out an “email blast” to the entire mailing list of the Garden Club saying a certain member has “exceeded her authority under the by-laws in scheduling the garden tour;” or taken action to remove a member of the hockey or tiddly wink board of directors from the board.

And then, when the person decides to respond, the original perpetrator is surprised.

Correction, the initiator often is quoted expressing “shock.”

Bulldozers greet fences. Lawn sign campaigns rebut mass emails. Lawyers are hired when people say nasty things about people on boards.

And the perpetrators react with mock disgust – How could they do what they have just done?!

Inevitably, this reaction is followed by a detailed critique by the precipitator of the controversy about how the reaction is wrong, not justified, coarse, uncalled for, etc. etc. etc.

I always marvel at this.

I often say to myself, sometimes out loud, “What did you THINK would happen?!”

It all reminds me of Fourth of July growing up. Fireworks at camp. Bobby Duffy once lit a firecracker (after being told by his parents and mine that kids do not light firecrackers; adults only), and sure enough the resulting blast appeared to be much greater than a normal firecracker.

His face was blackened. He got some sparks in his eyes. Things were tense for about 45 minutes until first aid kicked in.

Mickey Martelle, local father and comic reliever, sidled up to young Bobby. He put his arm around his shoulder. “Sometimes, we get more than we bargained for in life,” he said. Way over our heads then, but for some reason, the words stuck with me.

Garden club folks, youth sports board members and land-dispute neighbors often learn a lesson in The New Scarborough that the perpetrators of the Gaza-Israel dispute have learned: “If you attack me, you do not get to decide how I respond.”

Sometimes, we get more than we bargained for in life.

Dan Warren lives in Scarborough.