Public service time today, boys and girls.

Because of the histrionics associated with the inauguration of President Barack Obama, and the economic tsunami he faced, and the economic laxative he has applied, the Spurwink Packet today provides this helpful set of questions and answers.

(Note: The questions are culled from thousands, or at least dozens, scientifically overheard from Scarborough and Cape Elizabeth citizens since Jan. 2l at the following locations:

• Oak Hill Hardware store, key-making station;

• That variety store in Cape near Kettle Cove, where two friends and I had l4 beers each. Kidding! Just kidding, Town Hall, honest.

• Scarborough Basketball Boosters annual banquet;

• That garden shop in the Cape that used to be Jordan’s, where you could get your riding lawn mower tuned up each spring; and

• Chowderhead’s, Scarborough.)

Question One: I support everything President Obama has done. I have written to all my congressmen and congresswomen and asked them to vote blindly in favor of all proposals the president puts forward to deal with the Wall Street mess. Also, although my wife is not pregnant now, if she becomes pregnant, I will ask her if we can name the child Barack – a unisex yuppie suburban name, actually, like Colby or Regan or Chandler.

Do you think I have gone overboard?

Answer: No. Not at all. Your positions all seem reasonable and moderate in approach.

You did not mention the new Obama Dice that are for sale for hanging off the rear view mirror of your motor vehicle. I am guessing that was either an oversight, or that you have no money for such a purchase. If the latter, suck it up. The economy needs the boost. Wave the flag. Display the plastic.

Question Two: I gave Obama a week, just to be fair, and then let him have it. Thought he had done nothing. Thought, if this is his idea of “change,” what a joke! Thought, how dare people criticize President Bush for eight years, and then put us through this! The Republican leaders were cooperative for the first l00 hours of Obama’s presidency. But how long must they hang in there?

Answer: Fair question. Sounds to me like you have been patient and then some! One hundred hours is long enough to put in a new walkway at your house. Should be enough to straighten out the most serious structural problems in the U.S. economy since l929.

You didn’t mention Glenn Beck or Sean Hannity. This is a newspaper; don’t worry; you don’t have to turn the radio down while you are typing e-mail questions to me about Obama!

By the way, critics of President Bush lost points with Middle America by routinely referring to him as “Bush,” without his formal title, president. Give some thought to holding your nose and using the term for our current leader. High school civics classes everywhere will cheer you!

Question Three: Billionaire investor Warren Buffett made news last fall by putting a ton of his money into the U.S. stock market. Recently, however, he said the economy in our country has “fallen off a cliff.” His company, Berkshire Hathaway, got down-rated by one of those white-glove investor review outfits, Fitch Ratings. From Triple A to something less (Double A, like the Sea Dogs? That’s a bad thing).

Two-part question: a) Did his money go over the cliff too, or had he invested in a different stock market? and b) Has he come up with any ideas for helping us crawl up from the bottom of the canyon?

Answer: Yes, his money went into the same canyon, but remember, he owns the company called Executive Jet, which owns a fleet of airplanes, which it rents out to corporate executives and the like by the hour or day or week or month. Sort of like a timeshare condo with wings. He will be flying everything out of there soon.

Question Four: Federal criminal investigators have revealed that jailed swindler Bernard Madoff has admitted to possessing, still, about $826 million in assets ($700 million in securities in his companies, and the other $l26 million in toys: an $ll million Palm Beach mansion; half interest in a $l2 million plane (is there a pattern here?), and a $39,000 Steinway piano. (That’s an incredible coincidence, by the way: $39,000 is the amount I have spent on piano lessons for my kids, but do you think I can get them to play “Jingle Bells” for Grandma? – Ye Ed.)

Is there any chance the feds could seize Madoff’s assets, sell them, and use the money to pay down the U.S. debt?

Answer: No. The money will go to the bilked investors. And the money will be doled out in accordance to the decibel level at which the bilked investors are screaming.

Taxpayers do not qualify. But cheer up – it is mostly your children and grandchildren who will be paying for the debt, not you.

Question Five: U.S. Sen. Judd Gregg of New Hampshire has said he now opposes much of the President Obama economic stimulus package proposal. Gregg, of course, was the Republican lawmaker who agreed to be nominated for secretary of commerce, but who then backed out prior to his confirmation hearing. He cited a change of heart, politically. He is a highly respected member of the Senate Budget Committee. Should we follow his lead?

Answer: Yes! Definitely! Jump on board! Vote no!

But, then, actually, wait a minute, we have to do SOMETHING, don’t we? I would say give it a green light, see how it goes, monitor the spending, demand accountability among banks and Wall Street companies.

But, on the other hand …

Questions Six, Seven and Eight: I want some input on foreign countries and what their role should be in our domestic recovery efforts. Is it none of their business? Should they butt out? Or is this one of those deals, realistically, where, when the U.S. sneezes, the rest of the world gets a cold?

Answer (A): We owe China more than one trillion dollars (that starts with T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for Deep Poop, lots of it.) China weighs in on all the bills before Congress. They are nervous to see someone owing that level of cabbage borrowing more money, or printing more greenbacks on that big printing press in Washington. Gee, why would that be?

Answer (B): The French finance minister, Christine Lagarde, attended a Group of 20 world finance conference, and hyperventilated, and appeared to object to U.S. financial actions, our lack of consultation with France, etc., etc.

Not to worry. I plan to have Joe Tufts of Scarborough Signs, and formerly of Pine Point, contact the French diplomat and say, Scarborough-style, “I’m sorry! I don’t speak a word of French! I’m afraid I can’t understand what you are saying!”

Answer (C): The Republic of Rush Limbaugh weighed in also (oops, poor verb choice; sorry!). He said he opposes the bailout plans and hopes Obama fails, or something to that effect.

He will also be a nonfactor. He is unable to come to Capitol Hill to lobby or testify against any of the bills. A team of Republican sharpshooters has him surrounded at EIB studios.