I am thinking about running for governor of the state of Maine. After all, isn’t half the state running?

One might wonder why someone would want to be in the governor’s seat with a recession still slamming state revenues and causing a $400 million deficit in the state budget. That means anyone running for the office knows that there will be difficult decisions to make in the very near future. Well, at least they should know, but I can bet that there are a few who just want their names in the history books showing them as governor for Maine.

I can think of several good reasons for being governor along with some other reasons that one would have to be considered an idiot for doing such a thing.

First and foremost, if I win the campaign, my wife and I would get a “free” house to live in. Free for us that is because all of you taxpayers, if there are any left in Maine, would get to foot the bill for us to live in the Blaine House in Augusta. I will tell you though if I live there I will make a proclamation that changes the name of that building to the Lane House, or Pain House or even Lame House. I can sell all my cars and have a state police officer for a chauffeur, an armed one at that. I can speed on the interstate (sorry, I meant turnpike) and not worry about getting a ticket.

I would get a fancy office in the State House, never have to worry about where the next meal comes from and get on television anytime I want.

So, who are the other candidates running for governor? I am not going to mention them by name because I feel that is giving some an advantage, especially if I do decide to run. The list I took off the Internet may or may not be complete and some names or occupations may be incorrect, but I must do what I must do for this column so here goes.

First and foremost, I will never vote for an incumbent again and I don’t care what their political party is or how they voted in the past. It’s time to end politics as an employer for life, and there’s a whole host of Disney characters running for governor for Maine. I am not talking about Goofy, Mickey Mouse or Daffy Duck but some certainly have a resemblance to those characters.

We have a mayor, an ex-mayor, some former state representatives, a present state representative, an ex-House speaker who was also the state economic/community development commissioner, a state senator who was also a state representative, an ex-state party chair and an ex-congressional aide. Sorry guys and gals, you morons screwed up our state so bad you no longer have an excuse to live off of our money any longer. Goodbye once and for all eternity.

Some candidates are attorneys and we already have too many of them elected to offices, not only in Maine but all across this great nation. We have so many attorneys in elected offices that they have their hands in each other’s pockets. Any candidate that lists their history as being either an ex-Democrat or ex-Republican, I don’t need you either. That means they are only sucking up to the voters’ issues at the present time and have absolutely no backbone to stick to their own convictions. Toss ’em off the cliff I say.

Some others were listed as a professional pool player, a community activist, ex-ski resort company owner, electrician, investor advisor and welder. I must state I don’t want to elect anyone who worked for a nonprofit agency because I fear that they will have no fear in seeking more tax dollars. No, I mean it because many nonprofits search out sources of money without earning it. I have no clue as to what qualifications would make a welder governor other than welding all the doors shut in the State House while the legislators are meeting.

I am likewise very cautious of anyone who titles themselves “executives” in whatever industry as being qualified for governor. The rules to be in a publicly elected office are not the same as those in private industry.

Now the one I like the most is the professional pool player that is running for office. That person, in my personal opinion, is the most qualified (except for myself) because the vast majority of people that we elect to any public office are behind the 8-ball anyways.

Lane Hiltunen lives in Windham.