A decade or so after they had retired, and had finished producing fine cinematic artistic creations, The Three Stooges were done.

Moe, Larry and Curley had a great career, a great run but did not want to do “reunions,” appearances in the Catskills, or Palm Beach, or even military USO appearances.

One of them told Stars and Stripes magazine once: “What are we going to do at age 60? Throw pies in each other’s faces?”

The Maine Legislature has put me in a similar position.

Each year, I get an invite in the mail for “Welcome Back Day.” I left in the l980s, had a great four years there, left on my own terms, but only have been back once.

Too many people get frozen in time.

If I did go back, however, here are five questions I would ask people:

No Parking! – Do they still give those blue license plates to legislators? In the l980s, I would see state representatives parking in the Old Port in no parking zones;

Big Bills – Sometimes legislation to be voted on comes in the form of big giant stacks of paper. The rule of thumb back then was if the bill came out either a) after midnight; or b) was more than 100 pages, one was not “expected” to actually read it before voting on it. That rule still in use?!

Cuisine to Go – The state house used to be crawling with vending machines. Legislators in the closing weeks of the session, this time of year, would live at them. One guy used to have a routine – 10 p.m., one machine for crackers; 11 p.m., another machine for chips; midnight, another machine for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Funny storyteller – but I think people finally realized they were gaining 15-20 pounds per session;

The We-Don’t-Tell Motel – The Legislature never paid all that much. $3,500 or $4,000 per session. But we got reimbursed for hotel rooms, if you rented one. Some reps would put in a claim for a hotel room, share photocopies of a receipt for the same hotel, but one representative who actually did rent a room did not request reimbursement (she used it for purposes my late mother would call “untoward…”);

Green Light, Red Light – Toward the end of each session, legislators vote on dozens and dozens of bills. Sometimes in rapid-fire fashion. Hard to keep up. As a legislator, how do you survive? You would look up on the big electronic voting “scoreboard” on the wall and see how other representative voted. Did Rep. McGillicuddy – whom you respected and agreed with generally – vote yes, with a “green” bulb lit up by his name on the board? Or “red?” You did what he or she did. (I know, I know; shocking! But I did it sometimes. Worked pretty well). Do people still do that?

There. I feel better. Did not go up last week. Did not cause any trouble. But just now, I got to throw a pie in a few faces, sort of.

Sorry!

Dan Warren is a trial lawyer in Scarborough. He can be reached by private Facebook message at Jones & Warren Attorneys at Law page, or by email at jonesandwarren@gmail.com.