Following what can only be described as a resounding upset victory by President-elect Trump on Election Day, Democrats have a lot of soul-searching to do. Already, the blame games and finger-pointing have begun. But as pollsters, pundits and party faithful trade post-mortem analyses, I ask my fellow Democrats to reflect on how we can engage our fellow Americans more meaningfully moving forward.

Like many, I woke up after the election wondering, “How?” My hunch is that we were overconfident, fueled by the prospect of a historic Harris presidency and messaging around freedom and reproductive rights, all the while failing to clearly and convincingly message around jobs and the economy – a perennial issue for Democrats when stacked up against Republican messaging on taxes and deregulation. Furthermore, the enthusiasm and energy of Democrats and the Harris campaign could not shake the issues of inflation and the wars in Ukraine and Gaza.

Instead of doubling up our outreach, we doubled down on our base of support. We focused on turning out college-educated and urban voters, while taking Black and Latino voters for granted. On the other hand, the Trump campaign deserves some credit for actively working to expand their messaging and reach to disaffected young men, who turned out in record numbers, and people from various demographics (albeit with some major stumbles along the way). In short, the Trump campaign built a big tent strategy by exploiting blind spots in the Democratic strategy.

As a Democrat, I failed to listen to my own experience and instincts as someone adopted by a conservative, white, working-class family in rural Maine. I found myself reflecting on conversations with my parents during my time in college and law school. My dad, a jack-of-all-trades and handyman type who got his GED later in life, stopped us mid-debate once and said, “Just because you have a law degree doesn’t mean you’re smarter than me.”

As I’ve written in my memoir, “Moon in Full: A Modern Day Coming-of-Age Story,” I realized that I was approaching issues like coming out, LGBTQ+ rights and immigration purely from an intellectual standpoint. Over the years, I’ve learned that what works to bring my conservative family members to the table isn’t a fact-checking barrage or a foray into policy nuances. What works is the deep and human connection I share with them. Instead of making an intellectual argument, I shared stories to help them understand the personal stakes and the harms that people in their lives (myself included) can experience from policy and political outcomes. And the most important ingredient? I listened back. Over time, we found agreement on the idea that America’s political system is broken.

We’ve known for some time that we are becoming increasingly polarized. This election proves we’ve gotten too comfortable existing, breathing, living and voting in our little bubbles. We have become, in short, a bubbleocracy – a society segmented into our own echo chambers and lulled into thinking that our spheres of chosen community are indicative of the political mood writ large.

With the holidays approaching, I encourage my fellow Democrats to step out of our bubbles. Take up the challenge of listening to our family, friends and neighbors who voted differently. Listen to understand. Hold back assumptions of ill intent. Get to the root and the depths of what’s driving voting behaviors. You may be surprised to find some common ground; perhaps that is what we fear most.

As Democrats, we need to start thinking big again. Big as in big tent. We need to start rebuilding an inclusive party and politics that can bring people into the fold rather than pushing them into the arms of dangerous ideologues and opportunists.

A big tent is like a big family. It’s going to be messy. It’s going to be hard. We won’t always get it right, but boy, is it worth it when we do.