Wendy L. Graham

PORTLAND – Wendy died from an aggressive brain tumor on Monday, Sept. 23, 2024, just five weeks after the glioblastoma was discovered. Apparently fit as a fiddle, almost to the end, her illness and death were deeply shocking to her family, friends, and neighbors.

Wendy was the daughter of Col. Arthur Harry and Catherine (Decesare) Harry. Her nurturing character was forged early when the Air Force deployed her Dad to Italy for a couple of years, and just as the family was about to join him there, it was decided that Italy was just too unstable for families. The family instead spent the next couple of years in the small, warm home of her mom’s Italian immigrant parents in Long Island, N.Y.

While Wendy sorely missed her Dad, her grandparent’s home became a beloved place. Numerous aunts and uncles and their children either visited or sometimes also lived in this small house. Wendy’s grandmother adored Wendy, and all the kids. Wendy was so skinny her grandma delighted in feeding her and teaching her how to cook. Wendy loved eating everything put before her. She loved finding out where food came from, how best to prepare it, and in the process became a wonderful cook, a gift with which she delighted family and friends.

Wendy loved her family but really didn’t like the instability of military family life, moving every few years, new schools, new towns, and was relieved when she was finally old enough to go to college. After a couple of years in New Hampshire, she transferred to USM where she got her Arts degree, and found her forever home in Portland.

In Portland, Wendy met and married Andy Graham. They had two children, David, who became the rock climbing legend ‘Dave Graham’, and Isaac Graham. Wendy adored both her sons. Wendy and Andy divorced in 1990.

Wendy was a gifted artist, preferring when she was young to sculpt in either stone or wood. She also worked in watercolors and later in acrylics. As work and family took more of her time she found her greatest creative outlet in gardening. She delighted in being outside, in nurturing plants, working with pots, and collecting rocks. She was known to many on Munjoy Hill for her beautiful gardens and excellent gardening advice. Her gardens were always uniquely beautiful.

When her children were young, Wendy worked part-time as a landscaper, she then worked for L.L.Bean, eventually becoming an Art Director in the retail department. Later, she once again became an Art Director, this time for Whole Foods in Portland. In Whole Food’s early day,s there was a great emphasis on aesthetics. Wendy loved working with a great team of other artistic foodies.

Wendy met Sive Neilan in 1998, a woman very active in LGBTQ and local and state politics. Though more retiring by nature, and definitely not as active or as vocal as Sive, Wendy fully supported her political work and in time became fairly active herself. Within a few months of meeting, they were together. They loved getting married in 2019!

It was from her father, a sailor, that Wendy got her love of the water. In 2000, Sive bought a 30-foot sailboat, Aphra Behn, which they would sail up and down the Maine coast, endlessly exploring Maine’s bounty of beautiful islands, harbors and seafood. But Wendy also liked going to the beach and swimming. Her idea of a perfect day was to pick up an Italian sandwich at Amato’s and head off to the beach with her friends Barb and Penny, or sometimes her sister, Alison. She and her sister would routinely swim into late September only giving up when their hands and feet would freeze. For a few years Wendy swam the swimming leg for the Whole Foods Tri-For-A Cure team.

Wendy convinced her parents to move to Maine in their 80s so they could be closer. They loved their last home in Maine, near her. Wendy, with help from Sive, and some from Alison, took care of her parents for the next 20 years. She also persuaded her sister and brother-in-law to also think of retiring in Maine. They now happily live in Cape Elizabeth. Alison was a devoted sister to Wendy through her illness.

Wendy was predeceased by her parents; and her brother, Dennis.

She is survived by her wife, Sadhbh “Sive”; her sons David Graham and wife Alizee DuFraise of Ticino, Switzerland, and Isaac Graham, of Golden, Colo., her sister and brother-in-law, Alison and Craig Smith; nephews Ian and Colin Smith and their families; and many friends, and neighbors, and her beloved dog, Major Tom.

The family is enormously indebted to the personnel and volunteers at Gosnell Memorial Hospice for their loving care.

A celebration of Wendy’s life will be held 11 a.m. on Saturday, Nov 16, at the Evergreen Memorial Chapel in Portland.