In this week’s Maine Dish newsletter, Press Herald Food Editor Peggy Grodinsky admitted having difficulty telling a restaurant server about her dissatisfaction with a recent meal and asked readers whether they have the same hesitation. Many wrote to her with their strategies for speaking up.

Here’s some of what they had to say:

Excuse me I’m sorry to tell you that this dish is unacceptable (for these reasons)

A good restaurant will quickly apologize and try to make it up to you. If only because internet reviews can hurt. Meals are simply too expensive to tolerate a bad experience

Many years ago as a restaurant reviewer dining anonymous my only weapon for unsatisfactory responses was the published review but the internet has a much wider reach

Ask me about the time the next table fired up a really stinky cigar and when I asked to speak to the manager I was told stinky was a friend of the owner and he could do what he wanted. Imagine how happy I was to report on the brand of hospitality available at that restaurant

— Thomas Quaranto

If they ask, I tell them, adding context if other parts of the meal were good.

If I know the owner, I’ll find a way to tell him or her at a moment when it can be heard.

I always correct servers if they ask one or both of two questions the wrong way.

“Is everything ok?” No, everything is terrific. I wouldn’t come to Yosaku if everything was just OK.

And, “Are you still working on that?” “It’s not work. I’m still enjoying my meal”.

These things do matter. Unless there’s a reason for you not to care about the restaurant at which you are eating, it is incumbent on you to tell them about a flaw. A good place will welcome the assessment. If the reaction isn’t one of thanks, then you don’t want to return to that establishment.

By the way, Yosaku really is terrific each and every time one goes. And ISA is probably the best, single restaurant in the city for curating every dish, then cooking and serving it perfectly.

— Richard Mersereau

I feel that the waitress is just doing as she has been told…” is everything alright?”. It sometimes feels like she wants to give you the check and get the table turned- it’s a cue. But, I also tend to eat in cheap(er) places and wouldn’t dream of sending a dish back….it’s not her fault, she didn’t make it. We just won’t be in a hurry to go back there. I’ve worked in a kitchen and know that you can’t hit them all out of the park. I would be nervous that I would get my food back and it would be worse…..! Great question, by the way

— Kelly Quinn

You are paying hard earned money for your meal. If it too hot or cold, limp, too spicy or not spicy enough tell your waiter in a nice way. Just recently in a very nice restaurant I told the waitress that my pork loin was so spicy I couldn’t eat it. They were very accommodating and offered me another main course choice which I accepted. If that didn’t happen, I would ask for the chef or the manager.

— Sheri Fistal

I find that the quality of food served In cafes and restaurants is not that great.
Mostly my problem is with the menus
Almost every item on the menu is messed up.
Avocado on every sandwich – Pickled onions, pickles, sauces, etc
To me a roast beef sandwich should taste Like roast beef and not fried onion, pickled jalapeño, Chipotle Jack cheese, etc.
Maybe a little lettuce and tomato
But not drizzled with odd oils
But I manage to find some soup and a plain salad And don’t complain!

— Eileen Jackson

Everything is so expensive now that I’ve decided to speak up. Now, if it’s in the middle of a rush and my server is in the weeds, etc, I’ll probably let it slide, but I’ve decided that “chef” should care if it’s wrong. Portland’s restaurants are so good now that “ok” food isn’t good enough. I hope my server cares enough to follow through with my info. I wonder why they didn’t notice the quality before it left the kitchen. ?? In the late 60’s I learned formal/perfect service at Boones. Back then they had a laundry on site so all the linens had no creases and every plate had a charger under and a silver cover over. When you went there for dinner it was a special event. Everything would be perfect. The food left the kitchen immediately so it was always piping hot. I have been chasing that perfect meal for years. Portland only had maybe 5 good restaurants in all. DiMillos was still on the dry side of Commercial St. I think.

— Christine McHale

An area restaurant known for it’s seafood served me tasteless mussels and when I asked the server to take them back to the kitchen, virtually untouched, she returned with “The chef says he’s not going to take it off your bill just because you don’t like them.” I’ll never return or give this place a recommendation.

— David Alexander

How do you handle dining disappointments? Let us know in the comments below. And sign up here for the Maine Dish, our weekly roundup of food news.