Scarborough High School sophomore Ava Wakem is flanked by school social workers Elise Lehotsky and Jaclyn D’Annibale in front of the school’s Finding Our Voices display for Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month. Courtesy photo

SCARBOROUGH — According to national statistics, 10 percent of teenagers are victims of dating violence, said Scarborough High School social worker Elise Lehotsky. She suspects the number is higher.

She does know that there are students at the high school who are in abusive relationships, Lehotsky said, and that is why during the month of February, which is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month, she and her co-worker and fellow social worker Jaclyn D’Annibale decided to spearhead a multi-dimensional teen dating violence project at SHS.

The two “have established a curriculum that will educate students through informational boards, interactive and shared activities, videos that will be disseminated via email, and host speakers at the school,” Lehotsky said in an email. “We have involved students in installation of the project, from designing boards and videos, how to phrase information in a relevant way, and how they felt we could best draw the attention of their classmates.”

The school is also incorporating curriculum created by Finding Our Voices, which, according to it’s website, is a Maine-based grassroots nonprofit organization powered by survivors of domestic abuse and through which survivors share their stories.

One of the 41 Finding Our Voices’ ‘Say Something’ posters, each starring a different Maine survivor, going to 100 Maine high schools in the first phase of the nonprofit group’s dating abuse-awareness and prevention school initiative. Courtesy image

Finding Our Voices marked its three-year anniversary on Valentine’s Day, according to the nonprofit. The group is sending out posters and bookmarks to more than 25,000 Maine teenagers in 100 high schools and tech schools, including SHS, in the first phase of this statewide school initiative. The print material features the faces and voices of 41 named, Maine survivors of domestic abuse aged 18 to 81 and including Gov. Janet Mills.

Patrisha McLean, founder and president of the nonprofit, said she is targeting high schools because “some of the survivors on our posters were 14 or 15 when they met the intimate partner who terrorized them and their children for decades. We are partnering with Maine schools to relay the message that love is not grand romantic gestures and flowery words, but rather respecting and valuing your intimate partner.”

Not only has the material from Finding Our Voices been integrated into the curriculum about awareness and prevention for teen dating abuse, Lehotsky said, but also “the school has posted the personal stories from folks so that the students and staff can feel empowered to share their witness or experience of relationship abuse.”

The installation is designed to educate staff and students about both abusive relationships and equality-driven relationships.

It solicits examples of both kinds of relationships from students and faculty and is designed for students to interact with.

“Examples will be de-identified and made into a tapestry of all voices so that no one feels that they are alone, and people learn to recognize behaviors that are unsafe, unkind and unacceptable,” Lehotsky said. “The goal is helping people to find (or at least share) a voice that helps empower them to create change and seek healthy relationships.”

Lehotsky said she and the others involved in the project felt it was important because, “we have qualitative evidence of dating abuse occurring at varying degrees at Scarborough High School. With Valentine’s Day approaching, my colleague and I were interested in sharing red flags and healthy relationship markers with our student population.”

“Nearly 10 percent of teens in the United States have reported experiencing teen dating violence,” she said.

In Maine statistics state; 8.3 percent of Maine high schoolers report that someone they were dating or going out with physically hurt them on purpose at least once in the preceding year, according 2015 Maine Integrated Youth Health Survey, “High School Detailed Report.” The numbers were higher for LGBTQ students, 19.2 percent, and bisexual students, 18.3 percent, than for heterosexual students, 6.7 percent.

In addition, more than half of America’s teenagers know friends who have experienced some dating abuse, while one in four 11 to 14 year olds say physical dating violence is a serious concern for their age group, according to the Tween and Teen Dating Violence and Abuse Survey from 2008 by Anne Glauber.

Lehotsky said she fears the number of those experiencing teen dating violence may be even higher.

“My concern is that many folks do not feel comfortable talking with adults, may not (be) answering factually on surveys, or silence themselves due to shame and embarrassment even after separating from their partner,” she said. “Worse yet, sometimes these behaviors fall into ‘the norm’ of their experience and they may not realize they are being mistreated. Our goal is to develop healthy patterns across our population regardless of previous exposure to abuse, as well as creating a community that will identify problematic behaviors and support one another.”

There are a number of signs of dating abuse. Courtesy image

Physical and sexual abuse are not the only signs of domestic or teen dating violence. Other signs include: isolating someone from friends and family, putting someone down and pointing out their faults, manipulating someone through threats of violence or suicide, minimizing abuse or saying the violence is the other person’s fault, or controlling someone financially.

For those who suspect they are victims of abuse, the school has resources listed throughout the building.

In addition, Lehotsky said, students can “access the guidance department should they need assistance. At SHS, we also have comprehensive directives for teachers to reach out for increased support should a student share information or exhibit any signs of any kind of abuse (sudden change of mood, social withdrawal, regressive behavior for age, self harm, any significant or unexplained injury, etc. …). If students are feeling unsafe, we support them to access legal protections and are legally mandated to make reports of physical abuse of a minor.”

For those who are victims or know a victim of teen dating violence, Lehotsky advises, “if you see something, say something. If you’re not ready or don’t feel safe, that is not your fault and beginning to understand what is happening and what you need to do is the first step out of hell.”