Television news and the print media have brought us a slew of kooky stories from the pandemic, but the one about magnets sticking to your body after you’ve had a shot of the virus vaccine was far out.

I want you to know, that I’ve had a vaccination every few years since I was a child and had to be vaccinated against measles, mumps and chicken pox just to get into first grade. Then there were vaccinations for polio, pertussis and the flu, and that last one for the flu each autumn. There were boosters for shingles and lockjaw and I can’t remember what else. But the story about the key sticking to your forehead was weird, so I tried it.

Dan King photo

The experiment with the key was inconclusive. The hardest part was getting a key off the key ring without getting the other five keys out of order, and then getting it back on the key ring again and facing in the right direction after the experiment.

Well, either my forehead is not properly sloped, or the key was not magnetic, or made of a ferrous metal or something. So much for the kooky key story – No way. Just work up a good sweat and I think that one will work all right without any magnetism for anyone with a key.

But the body magnetism part is true. The evidence is clear. Every morning I get up and make myself a bowl of hot oatmeal in the microwave and eat it very slowly with just a trickle of heavy cream around the edges, mixed in with a splash of oat milk and a dusting of salt to bring out the natural sweetness of the oatmeal.

I’ve been doing this for many years, and I can tell you that oat milk and oatmeal are a good combination, because they have no cholesterol, are harmonious and don’t clash with each other, just as you might expect, and they are yummy, too.

Well, now, about the body magnetism, oatmeal contains iron, just read the nutritional blurb on the side of the package and there it is. Iron. And, as you would expect, as my spoon is leaving the bowl with a load of oatmeal and begins its trip to my mouth, about halfway there usually several lumps of oatmeal detach themselves from the bottom of the spoon and leap to my shirt front, and attach themselves just above the bulge.

It’s the magnetism in my body calling out to the iron in the oatmeal and pulling it over. After all, oatmeal is mostly lumpy, and every lump contains iron. So, it works for me. Oatmeal likes me. It’s magnetism.

I’ve had my wife sit and observe the process as a scientist and an impartial observer, and she sees it, too. She says, “Your hand jiggles, dear – you’re getting wobbly.”

But I know it’s my body magnetism from the vaccination.

Orrin Frink is a Kennebunkport resident. He can be reached at ofrink@gmail.com.