Always calm and resolute in the face of impending danger, chaos or the unknown, with a faint smile on his face, my father could have served as a great leader for many folks in times of fear and trouble. His presence and bearing always gave me comfort when I was fearful and uncertain.
I asked him how he did it, how he managed to remain calm and sure in the face of danger, and he said it was simple.
When he was very young, the worst thing that could ever happen to a young boy happened to him. His mother died. And yet, he survived.
So, when a fearsome new danger or terrible uncertainty rears up before him, he just asks himself, ‘What’s the worst thing that could happen here, and how would I handle that? And when I know how I would handle it if the worst thing happened, I feel I could probably figure out how to handle it if it were not the worst thing at all.’
This lesson was a great legacy for me, and it has served me well at many times and in many places.
My mother’s legacy was not so clear to me at first, and I have had to practice using it in public.
She said, “Orrin, when you feel frightened or unsure of yourself, confused or nervous, just say ‘something nice’, and that will usually fix things right up.”
You don’t actually have to think up something specifically nice to say about the conversation at hand, or the situation, just say “something nice” and you’ll find they can’t find fault or argue with that and will turn their attention elsewhere.
So, it goes like this:
Orrin, What should we be doing for the Israelis and the Palestinians?
“Something nice.”
Orrin, Do you want pistachio or chocolate?
“Something nice.”
Orrin, Are you for the death penalty?
“Something nice.”
Mother’s legacy has stood me well in many a difficult or confusing conversation or situation. With her legacy in force, the conversation turns elsewhere fairly quickly, the embarrassing questions cease.
Often, they will say, “He means well, just doesn’t like to argue with people.”
Orrin Frink is a Kennebunkport resident. He can be reached at ofrink@gmail.com.
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