Gov. Janet Mills is going to need Mainers’ help if she is to achieve her plan to make Maine carbon neutral by 2045.
It’s time to think big because we have only nine years, maybe 12, to reverse the curse of global warming. It’s time to not only think drastically but act that way, too.
Since Mills unveiled her plan in September in a speech at the United Nations’ Climate Action Summit, the governor last week took yet another step toward clamping down on fossil fuel consumption. She issued an executive order requiring state government agencies to develop and implement plans by September 2021 to reach her goals regarding carbon output.
“Enough is enough,” Mills said regarding Mainers’ indulgence in fossil fuels to heat their homes and propel their vehicles.
In the spirit of helping Mills and Maine succeed, here are a few ideas agencies can use to make sure we don’t die in a decade from climate catastrophe:
Ban all smartphones, e-readers, tablets, laptops and any other addictive handheld devices which contribute an estimated 17 percent of greenhouse gas emissions due to how they’re manufactured and need for frequent electrical recharging.
Ban fancy cappuccino machines in households and coffee shops. They use an exorbitant amount of electricity to create luxurious caffeinated beverages we don’t really need. As Queen Marie might say, let them drink drip coffee instead.
Impose a travel ban for government officials. Why burn fossil fuels by attending in person an event such as the Climate Action Summit in New York City when you can simply Skype instead? Likewise, require civilians to receive government approval for all airline and train trips, including vacations and business travel. Skypeing a business conference or watching a Youtube tour of Venice or Paris must suffice if we are to survive as a species past 2030.
Ban chairlifts at all Maine ski resorts. Require skiers to hike or ski up in order to ski down.
Ban all commercial and recreational boating: no more diesel in our pristine waters. It’ll improve the lobster and fish populations, to boot. And we can get rid of all the whale-choking rope and stinky fish processing houses that prevent more hotels from being built on the waterfront.
Ban all unnecessary commercial truck and personal vehicle travel. Require everyone to buy a Prius, just like Gov. Mills owns. But make sure they adhere to the speed limit, unlike Gov. Mills, who passed me going north on Interstate 295 a few months ago exceeding the speed limit.
Ban gyms from using electrical fitness equipment such as treadmills. As Ebenezer might say, are there no non-electric alternatives such as yoga studios?
Ban electricity-fueled indoor marijuana grow operations. If Mainers want to get a good buzz on they’ll have to grow the stuff outdoors under natural sunlight.
Ban commuting. Workplaces will need to provide nearby housing for their employees. These new buildings will be referred to, in honor of Gov. Janet, as Mills houses.
Require all owners of homes over 2,000 square feet to invite at least one other family to live with them. This will reduce the number of fossil fuel-depleting dwellings needed to shelter the population.
Ban police chases. It’d be better to let the criminal get away than to waste precious fuel.
Ban remote car starters, which warm vehicles’ interiors and engines but also warm the planet.
One’s personal comfort doesn’t justify destroying Mother Earth. This is the radical thinking that Maine’s central planners need to embrace to force carbon reduction and save the planet.
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