Here’s a quiz for Gov. LePage and Rep. Bruce Poliquin (who are free to ask for help):

• Over 260,000 people told Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke that they support Katahdin Woods and Waters National Monument. Fewer than 100 distressed souls opposed it. How many syllables in the word “majority”? (It’s OK to consult the dictionary.)

• The 260,000 “yeas” vs. 100 “nays” – four one-hundredths of 1 percent of respondents – equals 2,600-to-1. How many words in the phrase “mother of all blowouts”? (It’s OK to collude on the answer.)

• For Roxanne Quimby’s $80 million gift to the economy that LePage and Poliquin “represent,” and recognizing the people’s thunderous affirmation, how about they thank her? No need for sincerity! They need only to man up and circle one: “Will do” or “You’re kidding.”

• The governor and the congressman should describe the latest $80 million permanent investment that either of them has brought to any of the following: Millinocket, East Millinocket, Medway, Patten, Shin Pond, Mount Chase or northern Maine generally. (For syntax, LePage could have a staff member write his.)

• The pair should torque their brain boxes around this syllogism and supply the missing letters: “Federal installations create private jobs; national monuments are federal installations; therefore, national monuments

c _ _ _ _ _ p _ _ _ _ _ _ j _ _ _.”

(Suggestion: They might try reading supply-and-demand economics. CliffsNotes ► cq ◄ are OK.)

Doubtless John D. Rockefeller Jr., Charles W. Eliot, George B. Dorr and company, the donors of Acadia, were thanked by officialdom. So, too, the man who gave us Baxter State Park.

‘Tis the giving season. LePage and Poliquin should stop being cheesy. They should show leadership, grace and character – if they can.

W. Kent Olson

Southwest Harbor