TOPSHAM

“This morning we’re going to be talking about what to do if you want to give up, or if you get to the point that you see your friends are wanting to give up,” national presenter Julia Sadler told Mt. Ararat High School students gathered in the Orion Performing Arts Center on Wednesday morning.

Sadler is a licensed professional counselor who specializes in treating teenagers and women struggling with self-harm, depression, eating disorders, anxiety and suicide. After struggling personally with these issues as a teen, she has devoted her life to encouraging teenagers and women not to give up.

Everyone has a picture of what depression looks like — the kids dressed in black or the kid who is off by themselves, Sadler told students. However, depression takes many different forms. Guys, for example, don’t usually walk around crying and often those emotions come out as anger or irritability.

“Depression is a huge factor in suicide,” Sadler said. “It doesn’t mean everyone depressed is going to commit suicide. But if we’re not taking care of ourselves, if we’re not getting our needs met, it is possible for any of us to get to that place.

“Even if you’re not effected with depression and suicide, statistically you’re going to know someone who is, so that’s why it’s important to know these things,” she said.

Then she showed a photo of fictional

“Twilight” vampire character Edward Cullen, who finds a way to die because he thinks the main character, Bella, is dead.

Sadler said the perpetual struggling youth seems cool, “but there’s nothing cool about struggling with depression. There is nothing ultimately sexy about being bound to someone who is suicidal. Sorry Bella.”

Sadler herself came from the perfect family, but was the girl who did it all. She drank every weekend, had a drug addiction problem by high school and was dating everyone she wasn’t supposed to.

“I looked in the mirror one day after five years of doing this, which started when I was 14,” she said. “I did not know who I was, and I decided I was going to commit suicide.”

She sat down to write letters to family and boyfriend so they would understand how much pain she was in. But she realized, “It doesn’t matter what I write. I’m not going to be here.”

“In that moment I realized even though I’m struggling, even though there’s so much pain, I don’t want to give up,” Sadler said.

There is a big world after high school she told students, and they will meet other people and have new opportunities. While the pain they may be feeling is real, it is also temporary.

As soon as two hours after someone has attempted suicide and doesn’t succeed, they’re glad they lived.

“What that means is that a lot of the decisions we make are on impulse,” Sadler said.

Teens often don’t tell their parents or teachers what’s going on.

“You’re going to be, a lot of times, the person who sees your friend struggling,” she said. “So even though it’s awkward, even though it’s a hard conversation to have, I want to encourage you to ask the question. Ask them if they’re depressed. Ask them if they’re struggling with suicide.”

Lastly, get them help, she said.

“You’re never hurting someone by trying to get them help.”

Sadler has been speaking to teenagers for about nine years. She speaks about her own experience, and as a trained therapist, she knows what works and what doesn’t.

“Even though lots of times people want to hear this heart-wrenching story or all the details, that’s really not what actually helps people,” Sadler said after the presentation.

She tells stories teens can relate to with a sense of humor that helps when speaking about a very vulnerable topic.

“Assemblies like this provide a way to break down the barrier where students can say, ‘Hey, I did see that on your social media,’” she said.

Just last week a girl approached Sadler and told her she’d been depressed her whole life because she’d been raped. She’d never told anyone.

“This gives them permission to feel, permission to hurt. But the biggest thing is … shame is reduced by hearing the words ‘me too.’”

Sadler has worked with many adults, some in their 70s who are still struggling with suicide because of something that happened when they were 15. While she likes adult processing and healing work, “I’m like, we need to do preventative. We need to get in here and talk to the teens.”

“It’s just an incredible opportunity and responsibility to be able to instill hope to them,” she said.

dmoore@timesrecord.com