I was texting a friend of mine just the other day about what I planned to focus on for my column – adult friendships – when her response threw me for a loop.

“Adult friendships? I’m not very good at those …”

This friend has a particularly warm, welcoming presence that I imagine everyone wants to have a part in, so I know she didn’t mean that people don’t like her. I believe, like me, she was saying adult friendships are sometimes the connections we grownups don’t put enough time into. I get it. That’s why this week has been especially eye opening.

Our longtime friends Doug and Sandi are about to embark on a new adventure. They are moving to California where they will reunite with Sandi’s family and their own daughters and grandson. It will be a bittersweet moment when we have to say our goodbyes, even though we’re so happy and excited for them. That’s where the regret of not properly nurturing adult friendships well comes in.

Over the years there have been plenty of “We should get together” conversations and not enough follow through. That’s not to say that we haven’t gotten together – but not to the extent we could have. Like many other busy couples, Spouse and I have talked about calling friends up to join us for a pit fire in our backyard or a last-minute bite at a local restaurant. But we’re not kids anymore, so we add all sorts of complications to our plans, often thwarting them.

Remember leaving your house on Saturday mornings and reappearing at the kitchen table around dusk when your mom or dad called you in? Making friends wasn’t an issue because we were all outside anyway, so we just played. It was informal and effortless. Of course, as kids we also weren’t worried about whether the bathroom was clean.

Even as empty nesters whose kids have moved on and forced us to find our own interests, we kind of stink at it sometimes.

Empty nester 1: What are you doing this weekend?

Empty nester 2: I’ll check my calendar. I may have a hair appointment/doctor appointment/ hangnail. I’ll let you know.

We can’t commit. Is it because we were so committed for all those years to our kids that it’s just not natural to accept the company of someone who doesn’t want to take the last Oreo or borrow money?

Over a year ago I bought one of those super saver coupon thingies for an evening with wine and painting. Anybody who truly knows me would never make the mistake of thinking I did this because I love to paint. Painting-by-numbers is a challenge for me. But there would be wine … and the coupons were to bring a friend, adding that much more enjoyment to the party. Since then, the deal part of the purchase expired but I can still use the dollar value toward a friend date. I should have used it within three months of buying it. Even having a timeline didn’t prompt me to make those plans. So now, not only is there proof of my already established tendency to forget about great deals that expire, there is also evidence that I’ve forgotten how to make time for fun with others.

It is summer in Maine, which means plenty of opportunity for us to be outside taking in the beautiful weather and tons of activities offered in the Pine Tree State, besides looking at pine trees, I mean. Boat rides to various islands, summer concerts, mini-golf, a thousand choices for ice cream and outdoor seating at area restaurants – all of these venues offer the perfect excuse to call someone you know and make plans.

Our kids have gotten their own lives and have left us to our own devices. Let’s pick up a cue from our childhood or even theirs, and get back to the basics of enjoying and nurturing those relationships that we’ve been meaning to take the time for. The bathroom cleaning can wait.

Now get out there and play with your friends.

— Reach Janine Talbot at janinevtalbot@gmail.com.