To raise children is to forge a delicate balance on a highwire of time, to slowly allow more independence as wee tots get older. Slowly.

First steps mean they’re a couple bumps and tumbles and moments from declaring a newfound independence, and so it goes.

I expected these future milestones when I was expecting, little mini moments of growing self-sufficience.

What I didn’t quite expect was that I’d become impatient and find despair over the concept of wear and tear.

Both my kiddos were born fashionably late. But I never dreamed either would develop his own sense of actual fashion.

And as parents, my husband and I have found ourselves battling quite the fashion faux-pas against our stubborn eldest who insists on rejecting our sensible outfit picks in favor of impractical choices. Mismatched patterns, clashing colors; his floor becomes a mosaic of defiantly selected ensembles with no chance of escaping his bedroom door.

But what’s the solution to the hands-on hips parent-child standoff amid the T-shirt tornado debris?

What to do when there’s no chance of a child’s handpicked fancy pants outfitting him because it’s either inappropriate for weather, under/overdressed for the occasion, or a totally wrong size?

We’re trying valiantly to keep open minds about allowing our kiddos to explore their own trendsetting sense. After all, it’s a further important step in fostering their own independence.

Recently, I refused to allow my son to wear his favorite accessory– a well-loved Burger King crown– to church.

My heart sank slightly as I glimpsed a close pal of his sitting proudly a few pews back with her princess tiara atop her head.

I felt as though I’d dethroned my boy’s budding streak of independence.

Just where should parents draw the clothesline?

My husband and I found that the key is in giving choices.

Negotiating what not to wear can be, well, wearing.

We decided that in order to please everyone, we’d begin selecting a few parent-approved outfit choices, and then granting our kiddos the opportunity to pick from the selections, a stacked deck in all our favors. The theory is that it will give our little guys some control, and the winning outfit will already be a win with we parents.

My husband and I were quietly laughing and chatting about the Great Clothing Debacle last night, and we realized how often finicky outfit choosing is unfairly attributed to only girls.

Tirelessly negotiating attire with kiddos, my husband remarked, is like swaying a oneperson jury.

“We put in our closing arguments and hope for the best,” he said.

Or are they clothing arguments?

Either way, we’ve learned that talking shirts and tees are light stuff compared to chatting eventual birds and bees, but we’re trying to instill some good sense now when it comes to practical clothing matters such as, you know, forbidding shorts in colder weather, or pajamas in public. We know a favorite shirt may be despised the next day, then re-loved again.

But it’s nice to see our kiddos think outside the box and take clothing decisions in their own hands, when they put their thinking caps on.

Or, at the very least, their Burger King crowns.

— Michelle Cote is the art director of the Journal Tribune. She enjoys cooking, baking, and living room dance-offs with her husband, two boys and a dog. She can be contacted at mcote@journaltribune.com.