DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m dating my first white guy. So far, it’s been a completely different vibe and experience. A lot of issues I’ve had with past relationships have been nonexistent in my relationship with him. However, there is one issue: his parents. I’ve met them a few times, and we do not relate well to each other at all. Aside from the typical cultural gap, they give off the vibe that they’re not really too keen on me dating their son. I really like this guy, but I’m not really willing to put up with nasty parents. Should I let this one go, or should I try to make his parents come around? – The Unwanted, Cincinnati
DEAR THE UNWANTED: Slow down. This is a new relationship. Before you walk away due to unwelcoming parents, figure out if the relationship is worth cultivating. Even in 2016, dating across cultures can be prickly for some family members. His parents’ reluctance to welcome you could be because of race, but it could also be that they are simply cautious. Who knows who else he has brought home to meet them? Or what vibe you gave off?
Don’t give up just yet. Figure out if you two want to be together. If so, talk about his parents’ treatment of you, and work together to win them over.
• • •
DEAR HARRIETTE: I attended a fairly intimate housewarming party recently. A co-worker I am very close with just moved into a new home with her husband and invited over a dozen people. My husband and I came with a basket full of housewarming gifts, including homemade bread, and were greeted by the housekeeper at the door. I thought this was very rude. The hostess didn’t even open the door at her own housewarming party! She was simply mingling, and we had to seek her out to give her our presents. This made me uncomfortable and made it seem like she didn’t care about her guests as much as she cared about showing off the square footage of her new home. Is greeting guests at the door going out of style? I used to think it was standard etiquette. – Surprised at the Door, New Haven, Connecticut
DEAR SURPRISED AT THE DOOR: It used to be commonplace for the hostess to greet each guest at the door as people arrived. These days, it is not considered to be in poor taste if someone else opens the door, even a housekeeper. By allowing another person to handle that responsibility, a host or hostess can mingle with guests. That doesn’t automatically mean the person is showing off their house (even though it is a housewarming). It can simply mean that the person is free to engage everyone at the party, not be bound to the door each time it rings.
I doubt that your coworker meant for you to feel slighted in any way. I do understand that the contrast between how things used to be done and how much more relaxed the rules can be today can be confusing. What’s most important is for the host to make guests feel welcome and comfortable.
— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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