The other morning Spouse was sharing his almost daily last-minute running out-the-door rant with whoever he thought was listening (i.e., nobody), “I’m so sick of running late for work. I really need to change my routine.”

Oh yes, I’m thinking, you do. The irony of this blustery rhetoric is that he did change his whole system for about a week. Every evening he made sure his work clothes were packed and his lunch prepped for the morning. He even got up a few minutes early to fit some stretching exercises in before showering. You may wonder what made him put aside this very successful schedule. I can name that tune in three words.

I returned home.

I had been away on a weeklong trip, which was when my other half started this new routine – and promptly dropped it like a hot potato the minute I got back. If anyone is going to blame the demise of his impressive organizational skills on me, forget it. My shower, breakfast and lunch prep time do not interfere with his at all. In fact, I’m there to help feed the cats, a chore he was on his own with during my absence.

Once again I’m putting his lunch together while working on my own, since he is now back to the “What have we got for lunch?” query that grates on my nerves and makes me want to include his lunch in the cat food disbursement.

I suppose I have some ‘splainin’ to do myself. While I was away I also tried a few changes. I incorporated stretching exercises into my morning, was on time for every event or meeting, and even wore a couple of ensembles that were decent (and clean) enough to earn compliments. Since returning home, the only stretching I’ve done is to reach for the snooze one or four more times. We won’t discuss my clothing – and neither will anyone else. Lastminute attempts at lunch and snacks will inevitably include the banana that’s turning 50 shades of don’t-eatme .

Aren’t couples that have been together forever (oh, come on, it can feel darn close to forever) supposed to bring out the best in each other? Or am I kidding myself … are we really just enablers who suck the independence out of our partner, resulting in complete loss of motivation?

Spouse has proven that he can gather his lunch, pack his clothes, feed the cats, exercise and be out of the house on time. Likewise, I am perfectly capable of making sure my clothes for the next day are ready to wear (scarves cover everything) putting my lunch together ahead of time (if the leftovers survive my picking) and getting a few minutes of stretches in before my shower (as long as I can get up from the floor).

Somehow we become a little more helpless when we’re together. I guess we’re waiting to see if the other person will pick up the slack by changing the toilet paper roll when there are only three squares left, or doling out the cat food because one or more feline is trying to trip one of us until they are fed. When we’re on our own, these things and more mysteriously get done. You may have heard the saying, “Together we are invincible.” I would like to revise that for the typical weekday morning in our house: Together we are inept. For good measure let’s throw in rushed, cranky and can’t agree on a radio station when we carpool.

Last week we celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary, beating the odds my parents probably gave us of not making it past the reception hall parking lot. I believe we made it this far because we try to bring out the best in each other most of the time, but it will probably never be all the time. Neither of us is going to give up that snooze button.

— Janine Talbot is adjusting to her empty nest in southern Maine with her spouse of 32 years and two and a half cats. She can be reached at janinevtalbot@gmail.com.