DEAR HARRIETTE: Growing up, I was considered a beautiful child. I had long brown hair, almond-shaped eyes, a round nose and full lips. I stood 4 feet 11 inches tall in sixth grade, and I was super skinny.

In those days, my friends always had boyfriends. I was a studious nerd. I would constantly talk about real-world issues, and boys my age weren’t interested in that. I felt that there was something wrong with me. Any guy who I ever liked slated me as a “sister” or “best friend,” when I didn’t want that. As a result, I began to take whatever would come my way, because it seemed that nobody wanted me.

At 20 years old, I’m still going through the same problems. I even went as far as dumbing myself down so I can date in my age group. In the end, though, I’ve realized that’s not me. I want to discuss real-world issues, debate and get opinions on things going on around me. How do I stop dumbing myself down? Where do I find “the one” that everyone talks about? How do you know for sure? – Young and Curious, Memphis

DEAR YOUNG AND CURIOUS: Do not dumb yourself down. That will not make you happy, and it is not sustainable. Instead, think about the public activities that make you happy. Sign up to do those things. Pay attention so that you notice the men who enjoy those things as well. Consider joining an art museum, sports club or social club.

Recognize that your guy may be a little older than you. If you want a date who is interested in talking about “real-world issues,” you may be looking for someone who is more mature.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got out of a bad relationship. By “recently”, I mean four years ago. My friends make that seem like a lifetime. I know it’s been a while since I’ve dated anybody, but I feel like the next man I date should meet my standards. My friends think they know what’s best for me, though. They constantly set me up on blind dates, which have failed time after time.

I feel like if I get another boyfriend, it should happen on its own time. I don’t need to go out searching high and low for love. It’ll come to me when I’m ready to receive it – not when my friends are ready to see me with somebody. I’ve told them this. It goes in one ear and out the other.

What do I do? Do I confront them and tell them to stay out of my love life? They shouldn’t be allowed to dictate my life, even if their intentions are good. I just want them to respect my decisions the same way I respect theirs. – Respect Is Key, Mackinaw City, Michigan

DEAR RESPECT IS KEY: Tell your friends you love them, but you need to draw a line. Ask them once and for all to stop with the blind dates – you do not have to accept them. If they keep inviting blind dates to join your group, stop hanging out with them until they get the message.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.