DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my partner for seven years. We were young when we met, and my boyfriend did not want kids or marriage at the time. I always held out hope that he would change. As the years went by, I stuck to my desire for children and marriage, until recently when something changed within, and all I wanted was to stay with the love of my life. I no longer care about having children with him and just want to live the rest of my life with him. When I told my longtime boyfriend about my epiphany, he said he needs some space to think about what I said. What? I told him what he’s wanted to hear all of these years, and now he needs space? What can I say to him? I feel like I’ve done everything he’s asked for now that I am not pushing for children and marriage. – Not Enough, Scarsdale, New York

DEAR NOT ENOUGH: It sounds like your boyfriend may be prepared to make good on the promise he made to you from the start: namely, that he really isn’t into commitment. I was taught years ago to believe people when they tell you things about themselves. It’s unfortunate that you were willing to build a life with him despite his lack of interest in a committed relationship or desire to build a family. Because he has been with you for all of these years, it is understandable that you would believe that he intended to stay with you, albeit still following his rules. Your willingness now to acquiesce to his rules as long as you stay together has shaken him. It means that he has to evaluate how real your relationship is for him, and what he wants to do about it.

The good news is that you are soon to find out whether he wants to stick around. If he does come back to you, this time make sure that you create terms that satisfy both his needs and your own.

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DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for six years. I love him so much. I’m actually surprised we lasted this long, considering that I didn’t have an example of a successful relationship or marriage. Which brings me to my current problem: I love my boyfriend, and I know for a fact that he’s the one for me. However, I don’t know if I’m the one for him. My parents’ marriage failed terribly. How can I be someone’s wife if I’ve never seen what that is? We’ve been through so much in life. Together we pulled each other through it. I don’t want to lose six years of loyalty, love and commitment because we couldn’t have a successful marriage. I know that eventually he will ask me to marry him, but I’m not sure if I can be that wife. I want to be in his life forever; I want us to be able to make it as far as marriage. I’m just so fearful I won’t be the wife he hoped for. So far I’ve just been winging it when it comes to our relationship, and he seems happy. But can you “wing” a marriage? – Ready but Afraid, Montgomery, Alabama

DEAR READY BUT AFRAID: Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about your fears. Express your love for him and your desire to learn how to be a successful partner. The reality is that what you two need to do is to figure out how to care for each other. You can set your own roadmap and support each other along the way.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.