After the initial exchange of e-mails with Dotty I felt compelled to meet her. When time permitted I arranged to meet Dotty at her home in a nearby community. Upon my arrival I was struck by the beautiful surroundings. After knocking on the door, Dotty first peered from behind a curtain in a window before cautiously opening the door to allow me in. Immediately upon entering the house, she quickly closed and locked the door behind us. After a brief introduction I was led through the house as my host seemed hesitant in choosing a place to sit and talk. We walked through several comfortably attired rooms I would have felt quite as ease in sitting before ending up in a small room as she explained it was a room she felt safe in.

Not really knowing what I was facing or of the true purpose of my visit, Dotty went into her history of abuse from her husband. I was stunned by both her frankness in the details as well as the magnitude of the abuse.

Our first visit was brief and as I drove away the creative piece of my brain was in overdrive. Dotty’s story was one that had to be told, but how could I transfer this horrific story into a format that would have the greatest impact? My sole motive at this point was using Dotty’s story as an example for other women that hope and healing do exist. In the ensuing weeks I toyed with different formats to tell this story. Before proceeding, however, I had to make sure Dotty was comfortable in sharing her story with world. Suffice to say, I did not have to twist Dotty’s arm in convincing her there is hope built into her story and it was worth sharing. Dotty and I had several discussions on just how to accomplish our goal. I broached the idea of using her e-mails as part of the story and this was her reply:

Steve

I’m not sure which part you are referring to in using in your article, but you can rest assured that my whole heart, soul, and being, is into this. I want to give HOPE to victims of DV no discrimination whatsoever. Only when we arrive at a point in our lives & recognize that there are real options and that you have choices. HOPE can only happen when I or somebody validates, that I can make a difference by my actions to help in the future, of DV & that at some point you can have control over your circumstances. It is hard to realize that when you’re in the midst of DV, you are at the mercy as a victim, but by giving people hope, that it is a long road, but to realize you are no longer entirely at mercy of outside forces, can you reach for help.

Thanks again & you have given me inspiration, that I feel has not fallen on deaf ears, or is not going to look the other way. WE can meet again if you want to. Thanks & have a good day!

Dotty

This was all I needed to hear, so off and running I went. I began putting words to paper in hopes of capturing the trauma and emotion experienced by Dotty. Page after page whirled through my computer depicting the sordid details of the abuse suffered by Dotty. After completing an early draft of the story, I sent it to Dotty for her approval and comments. The following was her reply:

Steve,

I am so moved by reading this article thus so far, I want to cry. I feel I, plus somebody like you, we can make a difference in a women’s life. It would be the greatest gift I could offer. I simply cannot believe somebody actually listened & validated my experience of DV. I look forward to meeting with you again. I can’t thank you enough, & I hope to inspire somebody else to stop the shame & silence. Well done!!!!

Dotty

When time permitted I continued to meet and correspond with Dotty. With each passing minute I was found myself drawn into the inner workings of a true abuser and of the life of the abused. Dotty’s frankness and honesty was almost too much for me to take in. It was due in great part to her resilience and strength I was able to continue on. If she could live it I could write about it. After further editions and drafts were completed I would send them to her. Here is her response after receiving the latest draft:

Steve,

Wow, I look forward to reading draft #1. I am onto attaining the goals I set; to help and connect with support systems for DV, and see how I can help even further with some education, on local, state levels. Steve, you have inspired me, through the work, that you do day in & day out, in being such a valuable contact, so resourceful individual for DV. You do make a difference, though at times it’s got to be so frustrating.

I never imagined when I first met you, being this bruised soul, and brittle woman, that someday and somehow, down my journey of healing, would I reach this point. You need to be reminded that you do your job, above & beyond. I keep telling myself that if I can deter a perpetrator, predator towards another victim, that would mean the world to me, but I know I will venture further. I am proud of both of us & there is a bigger picture & connection we share, and we will make a difference. WE continue towards the hope of stopping the Silence of Domestic Violence.

Best Regards

Dotty

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The next piece in this series will addresses the impact of domestic violence on children. Steven Edmondson is the domestic violence investigator at the Sagadahoc County District Attorney’s Office