DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a group text for a few months now with my friends from college who are in different parts of the country. I used to think it was a fun way to keep checking in on each other – until there were hundreds of messages each day from 10 women speaking to each other. I then turned the conversation on “Do Not Disturb,” which means I do not get notifications anymore. I feel bad about not reading the group messages and missing something, but I can’t devote 30 minutes each day to catching up on what everyone’s said. This group text was originally supposed to be used sparingly, so if I made another group for important events, that would get bombarded with everyday happenings. I don’t want to leave the group text, but I need to find some balance with this in my life. – Too Many Messages, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TOO MANY MESSAGES: Be upfront with the folks in your group chat. Tell them on the chat that as much as you care about them, the volume of messages going back and forth is dizzying to you, so you have to step off. Tell them that if they need you, they should write to you directly. When you can, you will peruse the group chat, but it will be infrequent. If you need them, you will direct message them as well.

If they call you a party pooper, let them know you are sorry, but you have to do your job, and you just do not have time.

• • •

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have become friends with another couple. We all bonded, then, unfortunately, the couple broke up. This would usually mean that I’d see the ex-girlfriend separately and my boyfriend would see the ex-boyfriend separately. However, this couple is broken up but still “see” each other sometimes. The ex-girlfriend confided this to me and told me not to tell my boyfriend. This is starting to look like choosing sides. My boyfriend and I haven’t spoken much about them since their breakup, but I know he’s seen the exboyfriend. I don’t want their spoiled relationship to infiltrate ours, but I still want to honor my friend’s privacy. Is my bond with my boyfriend or my trustworthiness with my friend more important? I don’t like keeping secrets from anyone, and I doubt my friend would ever find out I told my boyfriend “secrets” that he might even know! – Stuck in the Middle, Detroit

DEAR STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: It’s likely that your boyfriend doesn’t spend much time, if any, thinking about this former couple’s relationship. Neither should you. If I were you, I wouldn’t talk at all about what those two do. Rather than holding something back from your boyfriend, consider that you use your time together wisely and focus on the two of you as a couple and your goals and dreams, rather than the gossip of what others are doing.

— Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.