Remember that book written a few years back that was titled something like: “Everything I Learned in Life, I Learned in Kindergarten.”

Not me. Miss Judge traumatized me early when she told me “Elephants aren’t pink, Danny.” I never quite recovered that year.

As far as I’m concerned, everything I learned of value in life I learned on one of my trips up Mt. Katahdin.

Here are the 10 lessons I have taken away:

BE PREPARED

If your task is serious, make sure you have all the important items on the checklist. Kickball at recess is one thing. But people die climbing mountains;

MAKE SURE YOU WANT TO GO

If you say you want to do something solemn and important, make sure – for those around you you do. At Ben and Jerry’s, they will hand you a toothpick-type device with a sample flavor on it. Try it! Abandoning a mountain-climbing trek half way up the mountain? Not cool;

THERE IS NO J-E-R-K IN T-E-A-M

You can learn all you need to know about a person climbing Mt. Katahdin with them. Do they whine? Complain? Blame? Lie? Make excuses? A.) Never climb with them again; and B.) Don’t hire them to work with you, or enter into any type of relationship with them;

THE ULTIMATE COMPLIMENT

World War II combat veterans say of men they like: “A real foxhole guy.” That means a guy you could stake your life on in a crisis. My standard? I would invite them to climb Mt. Katahdin;

THE ULTIMATE DISQUALIFIER

Occasionally, I will learn enough about someone playing a sport with them, or being on a committee with them, or dealing with them in a landlord-tenant relationship, I end up saying: “Remind me never to climb Mt. Katahdin with you;”

KNOW WHEN TO HOLD ’EM, AND WHEN TO FOLD ’EM

You have to be able to assess situations in life. The cute little mantras you see in books at Mall bookstores: “Never quit” or “Never give up,” are often B.S. Climbing Mt. Katahdin – the trait of stick-to-it-iveness is wonderful. But when it starts to cloud up, drizzle, the wind whips up l5-20 mph, and the temperature starts to drop, they do not give medals for continuing up the hill;

SMELL THE ROSES

I always feel bad for people who don’t bring a camera;

SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE

If you brought a poncho, and it starts raining hard, dig it out! If you packed warm gloves, ditto! That is why they are there;

DON’T BE A BABY

That said, there is a reason we have a separate list entitled Emergency Provisions – they are for emergencies! It is OK for some stuff to stay in the pack;

MOMENTS SHARED

Don’t hike alone, or with strangers. Bring people you care about. And when you get back to civilization? Encourage others to climb Katahdin.

Half the fun of watching “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” is being part of a national audience. Right? Right? Well, you know what I mean.

Class dismissed.

Dan Warren is a Scarborough trial lawyer who can be reached by private Facebook message at Jones & Warren Attorneys at Law page, or by email at jonesandwarren@gmail.com.