Maine does a great job of figuring out the cost of maintaining its transportation infrastructure. Every year, the state releases a detailed report showing how much it needs to provide safe passage across the landscape for residents and tourists, whether by automobile, rail, or teleportation device.

And every year, Maine fails to find the money needed to fund those projects.

As Democratic state Sen. Dennis Damon of Trenton pointed out during legislative debate back in 2008, “We have declining revenues and increasing costs of doing business. That is an alligator’s mouth, ladies and gentlemen, that is opening wider and wider and wider. And we, the people of the state of Maine, are going to be consumed by that alligator.”

As metaphors go, that one nearly makes up in originality what it lacks in coherence.

The state Department of Transportation (motto: Beam Me To Bar Harbor, Scotty) makes an annual presentation to legislators explaining which of our bridges are decaying, how many miles of highway are crumbling and what it will cost to repair the damage. DOT then projects those figures out for several years, showing how failing to keep up with inevitable wear and tear will result in ever-increasing expenses as minor problems become major ones.

Our senators and representatives appear to be listening. But appearances can be deceiving.

Take, for example, 2008, Damon’s year of the alligator. The estimated cost of keeping all our appendages clear of the reptile’s jaws was between $120 million and $130 million. So, naturally the Legislature appropriated $70 million. Not to worry, though, because then-Gov. John Baldacci, a Democrat, promised to make up the difference – $50 million to $60 million – with a bond issue. For $40 million.

To pay for that bond, Baldacci and company increased fees for license plates, car inspections and auto registrations. Everybody paid more, and the state was still 10 million bucks short of the amount needed to keep things from getting worse. The department predicted this level of inadequate funding would cause the number of unsafe bridges to double each decade.

Nobody seemed bothered by that. Democratic state Rep. Boyd Marley of Portland, then co-chair of the Transportation Committee, told reporters, “This is going to save us millions of dollars in the future.” Maria Fuentes – executive director of the Maine Better Transportation Association, a lobbying group for construction companies – told the Kennebec Journal, “It’s a great first step toward addressing critical needs.”

With delusions like that, it’s no wonder these people see alligators in the ditches.

But 2008 was a long time ago. Back then, the Philadelphia Phillies were a good baseball team. Things must be different now.

In Philadelphia, maybe. In Maine, not so much.

In 2009, the state got $162 million in federal stimulus funds specifically targeted to transportation projects that were “shovel ready.” Problem solved? Not quite.

Even with the extra cash and a $71 million bond issue approved by voters (no transportation bond has been rejected at the polls in nearly three decades), there somehow wasn’t enough money to cover the nut. After the recession caused fuel taxes to come in well below projections, DOT announced it was canceling 75 percent of its paving projects for the year.

The villain wasn’t alligators, but asphalt. The price was skyrocketing, while the supply was dwindling. The reason for this was … I dunno. Maybe the secret international consortium that controls asphalt production (assuming asphalt is produced and isn’t fossilized alligator poop or something) was putting the screws to Maine in retaliation for our refusal to root for the Phillies.

This crisis prompted John Melrose, a former DOT commissioner who had become a front man for the Better Transportation crowd, to pose this question to a Bangor audience, “Are we digging ourselves out of the hole or are we digging in a little deeper?”

Obviously, Melrose thought it was the latter, because in subsequent years, his organization proposed raising the gas tax by three cents each year for the next four years, slapping tolls on existing roads like Interstate 295, and turning some state highways in crummy condition over to cities and towns.

None of that happened. The only real change between 2008 and today is federal highway money declined by $10 million a year.

But that’s no reason for pessimism. Republican Gov. Paul LePage has finally ended his practice of refusing to issue voter-approved transportation bonds, so money is flowing again. Sluggishly. LePage also stopped cutting the DOT budget by 5 percent each year, so the department now estimates it’s annual shortfall at a mere $320 million.

“This is probably one of the biggest years we’ve had in 10 years.” David Bernhardt, DOT commissioner, told reporters.

Maybe he was referring to potholes, some of which are so large, they’ve got alligators living in them.

Put the pedal to the metal by emailing me at aldiamon@herniahill.net.