It’s that time of year again graduations!

Here is the graduation speech I would give this year, if I were still delivering occasional graduation speeches (I’m not):

Welcome, graduates of 2014. High school or college.

You have a tough row to hoe ahead of you.

You may have heard – the economy is either still lousy, or at least is only mediocre.

If things go swimmingly for you in the next few years, giddyup!

If not, here are five ways my generation let you down.

• Cell phones The worst thing we could have done for you, and to you. You need interpersonal skills to succeed in this world, to do well in an interview with an adult, and get hired. You spent the past four years with your head down, hand extended, neck craned, looking at the screen of your cell phone. Mom and Dad bought the phones. We gladly paid outrageous monthly bills. We were trying to buy love and friendship from you. Loser! Not many interviews will ask you to demonstrate cellphone ability.

• Interpersonal Skills Most job sessions will have you making what is called “eye contact.” Ever heard of it? You will also have to offer someone a firm handshake. My Little League baseball coach made us all shake hands with him, and each other: “Firm grasp. Look me in the eye.” Today? The two things we offer you are a trophy, and a pizza party.

• Ear phones Dude (and dudettes), do you understand the message that constant use of headphones everywhere sends? It says, “I do not care what you want. I do not care what you say.” Employers and admissions people want to associate with kids who are intellectually curious, and pursue adventures in life. Toxic Ear Buds–brought to you by VISA or Master Card.

• Texting Another Cotton Candy methodology, and technology we foisted on you. We sold you a bill of goods; you are not “connecting” with civilization in a quality fashion. Instead, you are “dis-connecting” with those around you. (P.S. For jobs and colleges, you will have to write something called a “cover letter.” Ever heard of one? No, not those missives that use Ur for your; or BTW for by the way; or b/c for because. Those are in the texts you should save for pals on a Saturday night). We failed you here. You’re welcome.

• Money Believe it or not, parents have limited funds (they may not know it). If they blow a big wad on your four-year college degree, guess what happens when it comes to going to, and paying for, grad school, which you actually may need? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Sorry. Out of money. How about helping you buy a house later? Ditto. $l,000 for those prom nights. $750 for Sugarloaf weekends. Hope you enjoyed them. You helped empty the cookie jar. Sorry.

• Life Skills Have you had a summer job? Do you clean your room regularly? Wash dishes? Of course you don’t. Too bad. You need the traits those tasks develop: Dedication, perseverance, creativity, teamwork, consideration, politeness. We didn’t have the backbone to make you do those things. We wanted to be your buddy. Our apologies. Good luck. Go get ’em.

Dan Warren is a Scarborough lawyer who can be reached by private message on the Facebook page of Jones & Warren Attorneys At Law.